Celebrating Bookish Friendships on Galentine's Day: Why I Write Stories Where Female Friendships Are as Important as the Romance

Every single one of my books has some element of friendship in it, but my last four books have had themes of friendship that are arguably as important as the story’s romance. Mistletoe Kiss, Only You, and Maybe You are interconnected standalones featuring a group of friends; it was so much fun to write about Bridget, Ivy, Meredith, Celia, and Piper. When I wrote Mistletoe Kiss, I expected it to be a standalone - a sweet, super fluffy Christmas novella to get people in the holiday spirit. I can’t remember at what point Bridget’s best friend Ivy appeared in my mind, but she kind of took over and became a bigger part of the story than I anticipated. I had countless readers tell me they wanted a best friend like Ivy...and they also wanted more of Ivy.  

And so Only You was born. With this being a full-length novel, I got to play around with the friendships a bit more. You get to see more of Bridget and Ivy, but you also get to experience a budding new friendship between Ivy and Meredith. I worked hard to make the friendships realistic and relatable; Bridget and Ivy were still best friends, but things were changing between them as Bridget became busier with her promotion at work, plus a lot of her free time was spent with her new boyfriend. I’ve gone through this myself and I have many friends who have experienced it too. Even when you’re happy for your friend, it can be hard not to feel like you’re being left behind or even forgotten. I think a lot of people assume that as you get older you’ve finished ‘growing up’, but part of the human experience is dealing with growing pains and learning hard lessons, no matter how old you get. It’s also difficult to make new friends the older you get, as Ivy points out when she meets Meredith. 

One of the weird lessons I’ve learned since my college days is how hard it is to make friends as an adult. Other than Bridget, I haven’t made any close friends in years. Some of that is my own fault, between being an introvert and feeling fulfilled by my close bond with Bridget. The other part of it is trying to find things in others to connect with, especially since a lot of people my age are already married and starting families. Meredith seems different, though. I’m cautiously optimistic I’m in the process of making a new friend. ~ Ivy in Only You

I loved getting to play with friendships both old and new in Only You, as well as the ups and downs, misunderstandings and miscommunications, and the deep love and affection between friends.

I continued exploring friendships in Meredith’s book, Maybe You. She and Ivy became even closer, and she also befriended Bridget and another of Ivy’s friends. There’s also a platonic male-female friendship in Maybe You that I loved writing. I tend to write about ride-or-die female friendships, but I absolutely loved the relationship between Meredith and Hugh. They loved each other deeply and always had each other’s backs. I’d love to see more platonic opposite-sex friendships in books.

And finally, there’s my newest release, Hung Up on You. Julia and Dee became friends in college and have been inseparable since. Neither of them has much family, so they became each other’s family, and I loved exploring that dynamic. 

Getting Dee as a roommate was like winning the lottery; she drives me crazy sometimes and can exasperate me beyond belief, but I love her like a sister and she’s always made me feel like part of her family. ~ Julia in Hung Up on You

Dee knows how to push every last one of Julia’s buttons, and although Julia gets frustrated at times, she knows Dee does everything from a place of love. To be completely honest, Dee is the type of person who would drive me bonkers in real life - overbearing, outspoken, meddlesome - but she sure was fun to write about and I feel like she and Julia made an amazing duo.

There’s so much to explore when it comes to friendships, and I love writing about the different dynamics. I weave in things I’ve observed over the years, as well as my own friendships. This was especially true in Only You which, in a way, was like a love letter to my best friend of thirty years. A lot of our (mis)adventures, conversations, and inside jokes got worked into that book, which is why I dedicated it to her.

“Now I feel weird around him. We cleared the air last night at the bar, but when he dropped me off, we had a…I wouldn’t call it a moment, but close enough.” 

I expect her to ask me to elaborate, but she probably thinks we’re running out of time before Hugh arrives. Instead, she nods and says, “So now you’re all awkward penguin.” 

I scoff. I don’t remember the origin of the term ‘awkward penguin’, but it’s been one of our many inside jokes for years. When I start to like a guy—whether it’s a new attraction or a sudden crush on someone I’ve known for awhile—I have a tendency to become awkward. I try not to let it happen, but I can’t seem to control it. “Doesn’t apply in this case, Bridge. I only go awkward penguin on guys I have a crush on. I don’t even know Hugh.” ~ Ivy and Bridget in Only You

I think it’s safe to say I’ll always include friendships in my books. I love romantic relationships and watching characters falling in love, but there’s nothing quite like friendship. Not everyone has the opportunity to fall in love or experience grand romance like we read about in books, but friendship is something that's more universal, something most people can relate to. It's important to see all kinds of friendships reflected in books - strong ones, casual ones, online ones, forever ones, broken ones.

If you’d like to read about the fictional friends I’ve mentioned, all four of these books are available on Kindle, Kobo, iBooks, and Nook. Only You and Maybe You are currently on sale for just 99 cents each in honour of Galentine’s Day. The price will return to $2.99 on February 19th, so hurry if you want to snag these deals!  

★Buy Mistletoe Kiss (99 cents) 
★Buy Only You ( currently 99 cents, regularly $2.99) 
★Buy Maybe You ( currently 99 cents, regularly $2.99)
★Buy Hung Up on You ($2.99)

Who are some of your favourite fictional friend duos or groups?

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*Please note I'm an Amazon affiliate, and some of the links in this review are affiliate links. All income made through affiliate sales goes directly back into maintaining Ramblings of a Daydreamer. Thank you for your support!  

Pity Party: Table of One

Last night, my friend JK got on a plane, passport and visa in hand, and flew to London. After spending a few days there, she’ll be on her way to Wales, then Scotland, and finally Ireland, where she’ll be living for the next two years. After living in London for two years (November 2014-November 2016) on a UK visa, she always knew that, visa permitting, she’d be going to Ireland next.

If you know me well, you’ll likely know Ireland is my #1 dream destination. I’ve always wanted to go, and have even attempted to plan several trips, but something always happens and they fall through. When JK asked me last year to go with her to Ireland, I was determined to make it happen. I could stay there legally for three months without a visa, and since I can work from anywhere, it would have been ideal. I started saving immediately and planning out the things I wanted to see and do. I imagined the sweet little cottage we would stay in, my dream accommodation ever since reading Nora Robert’s Jewels of the Sun and fell in love with Jude’s house in Ardmore, Ireland. But as time went on, I had to accept the ugly truth: I wouldn’t be going to Ireland with JK.

Why? Simply put (although there’s actually nothing simple about it), the last year and a half has been hell for my family. Without getting into too many details, I’ve had a lot to deal with, a lot of responsibilities that shouldn’t be mine, and because of that, every time I’d get ahead with my savings, I’d need to use the money for something else. Not only that, but there’s no way I could leave right now; I’d feel like I was abandoning my family in their time of need. Even if I was the type of person to say ‘It’s my life, and I can’t let anyone or anything hold me back’, I know I wouldn’t be able to fully enjoy myself because I’d be worried about what was going on here.

Throw in the fact my career feels like it’s circling the drain, plus I’m stressed, overwhelmed, and overworked most of the time, and here I am throwing a fairly epic pity party. And I hate it. There’s no cake or balloons or entertainment, it’s just me inside my own head, alternately worrying and feeling sorry for myself. And feeling envious - there’s a lot of envy. I’m jealous of JK for getting to live my dream. I’m jealous she doesn’t have the responsibilities and commitments I have. I’m jealous her money is her own and she was able to save enough to go. I’m jealous of the countries she’ll see and the people she’ll meet and the experiences she’ll have while I’m stuck here, feeling like things will never change and having a hard time seeing any light at the end of a long, dark tunnel.

There are other factors, too, known mostly as ‘the online comparison game’. Being online, we’re surrounded by people living fabulous lives (or at least seemingly fabulous - what you see online isn’t necessarily the whole story) and it’s hard not to be envious sometimes. I follow a lot of travel accounts on Instagram; at times I realize I’m a masochist, because seeing all those beautiful places I long to travel to makes me wistful and sometimes downright sad, depending on my mood. And yet I love looking at pictures of pretty places and getting ideas of places to go and things to do someday. Can you say 'bear for punishment'?

Another issue (there’s more?! you say) is seeing people gain massive amounts of followers, or sell thousands of books, or get sponsorships and other great opportunities while I feel stagnant in so many areas. I’ve read so many blog posts with flashy titles like ‘the must-do trick to quadrupling your Instagram following’ or ‘how I hit the bestseller list and made enough money to quit my job’ or ‘how I got eleventy billion page views in six months’ (okay, I made that one up, but you get the idea). I’ve tried many of the things people have suggested, always hopeful the newest idea will be THE ONE, and I sit and watch my numbers...do nothing. Hardly anyone reads my blog, my Instagram follower number is stuck, and don’t even get me started on my book sales. It’s hard not to get frustrated and that frustration often leads to feeling sorry for myself.

Here’s the thing about all of this: I know I’m being ridiculous. I know this is small peanuts in the grand scheme of things. I also know I have so many things to be grateful for and a lot of people have it far worse than I do. But that’s the thing about self-pity: it’s not exactly a discerning emotion. It doesn’t care that you’re smart of self-aware or have better things to do with your time than wallow over things you can’t change. But then that’s part of it too - not being able to change things and feeling powerless and hopeless. It’s a vicious cycle.

So what do I do with all these overwhelming emotions? I guess the only thing to do is just keep on keeping on. Continue to work as hard as I can, save money, hope the situation with my family improves, and believe that someday I’ll get to Ireland and that everything else will sort itself out. I saw this quote yesterday while I was working on this blog post, and it really spoke to me:

“If it doesn’t open, it’s not your door.”

I’ve always been someone who believes everything happens for a reason. I have to believe this isn’t my time to go, for whatever reason. But I refuse to give up on my dream of going to Ireland. And in the meantime, I’ll continue to work hard, focus on the areas of my life I can change (like writing and publishing more books, which will likely lead to more book sales), remember I have plenty to be thankful for, and hope that when I finally do get to travel again, it’ll be amazing.

As for online stuff, despite my masochistic tendencies when it comes to following people living the high life, I do have some advice for others who get jealous of people online: It’s important to curate your Instagram/Twitter/Facebook feed. It’s one thing to feel occasionally wistful at something someone else has, but it’s a completely different story if someone else’s life makes you feel like shit about your own. If someone’s feed makes you feel like you’re not good enough or you find yourself making constant comparisons, hit the unfollow button. It’s there for a reason. People should inspire you, not bring you down.

There are times in everyone’s life where they want what they can’t have. Everyone occasionally wants more or wishes things were different. The trick is to focus more on what you do have. What you can accomplish. I talked recently about self-care and giving yourself permission to feel your feelings. You're allowed to feel down and you're also allowed to take some time for yourself (social media breaks are especially good if online stuff is a source of your issues). Work through your feelings, find the root of the problem, and figure out what you can do to make things better. And if you want to sit at my table of one and make it a table of two, maybe we can turn this pity party into a real party. My comments and email are always open, or feel free to tweet me if you need support or encouragement.

Do you ever get in funks where you feel sorry for yourself? What do you do to get over them?

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Why I Love Romance

I am addicted to romance, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Contemporary romance. Romantic comedies. Historical romance. Paranormal romance. Give me a good love story, and I’m a happy girl.

Something I see way too often, both online and off, is people crapping on romance. It’s unbelievable to me the number of people who look down on romance readers and writers, as if we’re somehow less, deprived or depraved, uneducated, or undiscerning. It’s come to the point where many people are embarrassed to admit they read or write romance. I’ve heard stories from fellow authors who have said people automatically assume their books are ‘similar to 50 Shades of Grey’ or that they ‘write porn’. And this is if they aren’t immediately dismissed and treated like writing romance means they’re somehow not a ‘real writer’. Well, screw that. Romance readers - and writers - are some of the most intelligent, open-minded people I know.

So why do I, personally, love romance? One of the main reasons is that reality often sucks. Whether in your own life or in the greater scheme of things (like, y’know, the whole possibility of nuclear war that the world is currently dealing with), life can be difficult, stressful, sad, boring, or a million other things, and sometimes you just need an escape. Romance provides something you can count on this a topsy-turvy world: a happy ending.

Is romance full of cliches? Can be. Is it predictable? Sure. But those aren’t necessarily negative things. There can be comfort in the formula, the predictability. Besides, it’s the journey that matters. You can read a dozen second-chance or friends-to-lovers or celebrity-falls-for-normal-person romances and while they have similarities, they’re not the same (or at least they shouldn’t be). The destination may be the same, but the journey is different every time. The characters, the tone, the themes, the subplots all vary. You’ll connect with some stories and characters more than others, but each one has its merits. Each one has the potential to touch someone, heal a part of them, give them hope, or simply entertain them.

As for people who say characters are one-dimensional in romances, that probably makes me laugh most of all. Some of the greatest character growth and depth I’ve ever seen have been in romance novels. Since romances are usually character driven, it’s necessary for the characters to be complex. I love characters who are realistically flawed, characters who have obstacles and setbacks, characters who have to work for their happily ever after. There’s such a wonderful variety in romance - books that break your heart, make you laugh, make you swoon, turn you on, make you think, tug at your heartstrings. The best romance novels are capable of evoking every emotion imaginable, which is part of why I love them so much.

Here’s the thing: I refuse to be embarrassed about liking romance. No, loving romance. I love it. I pretty much require romance in the books I read, even if it’s not the main focus of the story. I love seeing people happy. I love seeing people learning and growing and thriving. I even like seeing characters struggle, because it reminds me I’m not alone. I love immersing myself in someone else’s world, especially during the times when my own world feels nearly unbearable to live in. And, I’ll be perfectly honest: As someone who’s 33 and still single, I love that hopeful feeling I get watching someone else fall in love. I need that hope; I need to believe true love is possible and that I’ll get my own happily ever after someday.   

 

Just like I refuse to be embarrassed about loving romance, I also refuse to think of romance as a guilty pleasure (in fact, can we just completely do away with the concept of 'guilty pleasures'? Like what you like and don’t feel guilty or ashamed of it). Don’t let anyone make you feel embarrassed about your reading choices. If you tell someone you read or write romance and they react with disdain or surprise or anything less than ‘Oh cool, I love romance too!’ just remember that’s a reflection on them and not you.

So come on, say it with me now: I love romance, and I don't care who knows it!

 

Why do you love romance? Have you ever felt judged for your reading choices? What are some of your favourite romances?

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Thoughts and Daydreams #3: Changing Reading Tastes

Thoughts and Daydreams is a monthly feature hosted by yours truly and Jessica from Thoughts at One in the Morning. Every month, we'll discuss a reading- or writing-related topic.

~Check out the previous two Thoughts and Daydreams posts.~

Have you noticed your reading tastes changing over the years? It wasn't something I really thought about until a couple years ago, and then I looked back on my reading habits over the past decade or so and realized how much they'd evolved.

Before blogging, I read mostly contemporary and historical romance, light mysteries, and some adult paranormal. My go-to authors were Nora Roberts, Maddy Hunter, Heather Graham, Cecelia Ahern, and Janet Evanovich. I read some Young Adult here and there, but the selection at my library was seriously limited (since then my library has expanded and has an incredible YA selection). Plus I was kind of embarrassed to read much YA since a classmate basically shamed me for 'still reading books for kids' during an English class in high school. Later, of course, I realized that was bullshit and he was an asshole, but I digress.

After high school, I was active in some graphic design groups online, and a lot of the girls there were in their thirties, forties, and beyond, and were obsessed with different Young Adult series. I thought 'well if they're reading it, why shouldn't I?' I started with Harry Potter. Then Twilight. Then Hunger Games. My love for YA was rekindled, but it was a whole different world from the books I grew up with, like the Babysitter's Club and Sweet Valley High. 

When I started blogging in 2010, I was still reading mostly adult books with the occasional YA thrown in. As I became part of the book blogging community and learned about new authors and books, my tastes veered more toward contemporary YA. I traded wizards, vampires, and dystopian worlds for everyday characters navigating high school, life, and first love.

My tastes continued to change. A couple years ago when New Adult was becoming popular, I started worrying I was outgrowing YA. I only wanted to read about people in their twenties instead of their teens, people figuring out life after high school, finding jobs, going to college, having serious relationships and discovering their sexuality. I missed YA, but I couldn't seem to get back into it. Luckily that feeling of outgrowing YA passed, and now I've found a balance between YA and NA, even though lately it's been mostly YA - contemporary, historical, mysteries, paranormal, you name it. Before Hunger Games, I never thought I'd enjoy dystopian or post apocalyptic because they're outside my comfort zone, but one of my favourite series is the Under the Never Sky trilogy. I never thought I'd like thrillers or horror, but I've read and enjoyed plenty. Seeing the variety out there and seeing what other people are reading and loving has opened my eyes to all kinds of possibilities, and now I'm willing to give pretty much anything a try, even if it's not my typical genre. 

Lately I've been wanting to read more women's fiction/chick lit and paranormal, but I can't seem to pull myself away from YA. I guess part of me is afraid I'll go through that feeling of outgrowing it again, but I just love YA so much I tend to choose those over anything else.

How about you? Have your reading tastes changed over the years? Have you read books you never thought you would? Are you open to trying new genres?

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Thoughts and Daydreams #2: Blogging & Reading Slumps

Thoughts and Daydreams is a monthly feature hosted by yours truly and Jessica from Thoughts at One in the Morning. Every month, we'll discuss a reading- or writing-related topic. 

~Check out January's post about getting back to reading and blogging basics.~

Welcome to the second Thoughts and Daydreams discussion post! This month, Jess and I are talking about blogging and reading slumps. I think we've probably all experienced one or both at some point, and let's face it: they suck.  There are several reasons they happen, but there are also ways to beat them.

Why do slumps happen?

• Being busy or stressed in real life. Sometimes you're just so busy you don't have time to read or blog and it slides down your list of priorities.

• Similarly, other interests might take over. You might get invested (read: obsessed) in a new TV show, or interested in a new hobby, or the weather might be so nice you'd rather be outside enjoying it. 

• Reading hangover. Sometimes you read a book that's so amazing, everything else seems like crap in comparison and it's hard to get interested in other books.

• On the flip side of that, sometimes reading a crappy book can cause a slump. If I've read a particularly meh book or a few meh books in a row, I find my reading slowing down and maybe even going into a full-blown slump.

• Feeling overwhelmed. A lot of us take on way too much - too many review books, too many blitzes and blog tours and events and challenges. It can get to a point where it feels daunting and affects your blogging or reading.

How can you beat a slump?

• Do something else you enjoy. If you don't feel like reading, try rewatching a few favourite movies or TV shows. Colour. Grab your camera and take some pictures. Write something non-blog-related. Talk to other members of the community and rekindle your love of reading or blogging, or talk about your other interests, fandoms, etc.

• Read a book simply for pleasure. If you're overwhelmed with review books, pick a book off your shelf that you've been wanting to read for ages. And if you really want to take the stress off, maybe you decide not to review that particular book. It can be just for you.

• Get organized. If part of the reason for a blogging slump is because you're stressed, find ways to de-stress. Make a monthly blogging calendar. Schedule posts ahead. Cut back on memes or blitzes. Don't request or accept as many ARCs. Basically, cut yourself some slack. You don't need to blog seven days a week or even every weekday. Find a schedule that works for you.

• Take a hiatus. If you're in a blogging or reading slump and nothing is working, take a hiatus. You can simply disappear for awhile, but I'd suggest writing a post for your blog saying you need a break and will  back in a week, two weeks, a month, or however long it takes. I've seen a lot of bloggers take blog breaks, but mention that they'll still be around on Twitter, Instagram, etc., so if you don't want to lose touch with people, be sure to share your links so people can find you elsewhere. Most of all: don't feel guilty. Everyone needs a break from time to time.

 

What usually causes a reading or blogging slump for you? How long was your longest slump? What are your best suggestions for breaking out of slumps?

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Thoughts and Daydreams #1: Getting Back to Basics

I've been friends with Jessica from Thoughts at One in the Morning for about five years now, and we've done a bunch of different projects together. We planned to create a Facebook group a few months ago called Thoughts and Daydreams, but after a lot of discussion and talking to online friends, we realized there are already so many FB groups and not enough time for everyone to post regularly in multiple groups. From there, the idea of a blog series was born. Each month we'll pick a reading- or writing-related topic and discuss it on our blogs. We also have a few other things up our sleeves, including giveaways and a couple events. We're thinking of eventually opening this up to other bloggers if there's any interest, so if you'd like to participate in the discussions, be sure to let us know in the comments and we'll work out topics and a link-up.

I've been blogging for 5 years now, and my blog (and I) have gone through a lot of changes in that time. The blogging world has grown so much, and while it's a wonderful thing, it also makes it feel sometimes like you're yelling into a void. There's no way everyone could ever visit and read and comment on all the blogs, so it can be easy to pick your favourites and stick with those, which means a lot of great new (and older) blogs go unnoticed, which can lead to bloggers quitting. I know I've had my fair share of moments where I've wondered if there's any point in going on with the blog, but I love it too much to give up. I've made some incredible friends, discovered new authors, and found a place online that feels like home.

There's also the pressure that comes with blogging. I feel incredibly blessed to get the ARCs I do, but it can really start to weigh you down. Over the last couple years, most of the books I've read are ARCs. I keep saying I'm going to read more 'me' books, but then a new batch of Harper titles becomes available on Edelweiss (auto-approval is a blessing and a curse!), or a book I'm excited about becomes available on NetGalley, or Simon & Schuster Canada, who I've had the good fortune to work with the last couple years, will send me a book or two, and I'm back to reading only ARCs. 

That's going to change this year, though. If I want to continue blogging and keep my passion for reading, I know I need to make some changes. So I'm getting back to basics.

My plan for getting back to basics

• Visit and comment on more blogs. Favourite blogs, brand new blogs, blogs friends like, blogs I find on Twitter. I've been horrible about commenting the past year, mostly because my computer is ridiculously slow and it takes forever, but it's something I need to make a priority.

• Make more connections. Followers and page views are great, and as much as I say the numbers don’t matter, I do like seeing them rise. BUT having readers and making friends is so much more important. I fell out of that last year and I really want to make an effort to meet new people, get to know acquaintances better, and make real connections. I miss feeling like a real part of the community.

• Read more 'me' books. I still have a ton of review books - I have ARCs left from 2015 and I have a ton of 2016 ARCs already. But I'm going to make an effort to read more of the books that have been sitting on my shelves and Kindle for weeks, months, or even years. I'm hoping the Backlist Books Reading Challenge will help with that.

• Create new content. In 2015, most of my content was book reviews, plus I started my Wanderlust Wednesday feature, which I plan to keep up this year. I want more, though. More discussion posts, more fun stuff, more personal posts. I'll still post lots of reviews, but I want to mix things up. I'd love to be known as a place where people can come to read honest reviews, but also find fun, original content.

• Cut back on review books. This is going to be tough, but I'll try my best. I'm only going to accept requests for books that really interest me, and I'll limit how many books I download from Edelweiss and request there and on NetGalley. I'm also going to worry less about publication dates unless an author or publisher has a specific timeline. Reviews help authors any time, so having a book read and reviewed by publication date isn't always a necessity. I think this'll reduce a lot of my stress when it comes to ARCs.

So, that's my plan for getting back to the basics when it comes to reading and blogging. Be sure to stop by Jessica's blog to read her thoughts on getting back to basics!

 

Do you have plans for blogging and reading this year? Are you making any changes? Adding new features to your blog? Reading more or less review books? How do you limit your stress when it comes to blogging? Let's talk here or on Twitter!

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Reflections on Friendship + A Weekend Escape

On September 5th, 1989 I started first grade. It was my second year of elementary school, and most of the faces in my class were familiar, but there were a few new ones. I went through elementary and high school with most of the same people, had a few constant friends, some who drifted in and out of my life, and there are some I still speak to today. But on that day, I met one person who would end up being a huge part of my life: Krista. 

Can you guess who's who?

Through elementary and high school, Krista and I drifted in and out of each other's lives. Sometimes we were just 'in school' friends, and other times we were inseparable. Toward the end of high school, we were best friends. We spent a lot of time together, had sleepovers, travelled a bit together. The summer after high school (which I still refer to as the best summer of my life) we had a ton of adventures with a bunch of people from high school, and became even closer. I stayed in town to go to college, and she moved several hours away. We talked constantly on MSN Messenger, saw each other when she came home, and retained our closeness, despite the distance. 

The next year, I was still in college, and she moved on to university. Different city, different school, different people. During Frosh Week, she made a bunch of new friends and met the guy who would become her boyfriend, and things slowly started to change. We went from talking to and seeing each other all the time to her being too busy for me (from my 19-year-old perspective). I was busy with college and I had my own friends, but I wanted my best friend. I didn't want things to change. I thought because we beat the odds and managed to stay close during that first year apart, things would carry on that way...but I was wrong. We had a huge fight, and things weren't the same after that. It didn't help that we had a mutual friend who wanted each of us to herself and didn't want us to be friends with each other, so she pitted us against each other. I can't place all the blame on her - we were all at fault. I didn't see that until years later, though, which I'll get to in a minute. 

Over the next few years, we saw each other a handful of times and sent the occasional Facebook message. I harboured a lot of anger and resentment toward her, and I think she did too. There was an underlying element of frost between us, which made it hard to go beyond surface stuff. 

Until two years ago. We started talking about something random via Facebook and it felt natural. It progressed slowly, and she invited me to come spend a weekend with her (she lives an hour away). You could have knocked me over with a feather. I immediately accepted, then swung between excitement and nervousness until we were finally together. I worried it would be awkward or we'd have trouble finding something to talk about. From the moment we greeted each other with a huge hug, it was like all those years of animosity melted away and everything was different. We talked a lot about what happened all those years ago, and each took responsibility for our part in it. We told each other things the other didn't know about the situation, and I admitted a large part of the problem was my jealousy and possessiveness.

We kept talking after that weekend, but didn't see each other again until the next summer, when we spent a day at the beach together. It was then we started tentatively talking about taking a trip together. If you've been reading the blog or if you follow me on Twitter or Instagram, you'll know those tentative talks turned into a plan and eventually a two-week trip to London, Paris, and Rome. If someone had told me a few years ago that I'd eventually travel through Europe with Krista, I would have laughed in their faces. I didn't think we'd ever be close again, but here we are, with our friendship stronger than ever. 

The reason I'm sharing all of this is because I want to remind people how complex, complicated, messy, wonderful, and beautiful friendship is, no matter how old you are, and that if you've ever experienced hard times in a friendship, you're not alone. Friendships go through rocky patches, just like any other relationship. Sometimes friendships end, and it hurts like hell. Sometimes you wish you could have those friendships back, and sometimes you know you're better off without that person in your life, especially if they're hurting you or creating a toxic environment for you. You have to do what's best for you, even if it's not easy. And sometimes you think you've lost a friendship forever and that person will eventually come back into your life and end up meaning the world to you. Hard times can make or break a friendship, and in our case, it did both. If you can get past those hard times, there's magic on the other side. Krista and I both realize now we were meant to be in each other's lives. We made it through hell and back and have the scars to prove it, but we also have a special place for each other in our hearts. We now love each other unconditionally, and know that not many people understand us the way we understand each other. 

That leads me to this past weekend. Krista and I have seen each other more this year than we have since our first year of college - she came up right after Christmas, again in May to see Avengers: Age of Ultron with me, and again right before we went to Europe, then we spent a total of 15 days together travelling. I was thrilled when she told me she'd taken a few extra days off around Labour Day and wanted me to come spend some time with her. 

Krista has a horse and she does a riding lesson every Thursday night. Her mum lives in the same city as me and goes up to watch Krista ride, so she drove me up there so Krista wouldn't have to backtrack. I'd never met Krista's horse Vennazada (I met and rode her first horse, Cali, in high school), so it was exciting to meet her and get to see Krista ride for the first time in years.

After her lesson, we went back to Krista's. We planned to watch a movie, but we got talking and before we knew it, it was 3am and we figured we should get to bed. This is what always happens with us - we get talking and can't stop. Even being together nearly 24/7 for 2 weeks in Europe, we still talked almost non-stop.

Krista wasn't the only one I spent the weekend with - meet Tessa, Loki, and Lexi! Krista is a foster mother for the local animal rescue. She got Tessa when she was pregnant, and then fostered the kittens (4 of them) until they were old enough to be adopted out. She decided to adopt two, and she's still fostering Tessa.

My other flatmate for the weekend: Maestro the chinchilla. Krista's had her since we were in high school.

The next day we slept in, then had waffles with Nutella for brunch before heading downtown. Kingston is a city that's full of gorgeous old buildings and homes, and it has a vibrant downtown area. Part of the movie Crimson Peak (starring Tom Hiddleston *drool* - it comes out in October) was filmed right outside Krista's office building, so we did a little 'Crimson Peak walking tour' and she told me where they'd filmed, how they covered the street in dirt to make it look like a dirt road, and had horse-drawn carriages and people in period costumes as extras. Tomorrow's Wanderlust Wednesday post will be dedicated to Kingston, so be sure to come back for that!

We wandered around, went into a bunch of stores, then went to Woodenheads Gourmet Pizza. We're both missing Rome, so we decided to pretend we were in Rome and have pizza for lunch, and then went to Mio Gelato afterward for gelato (I had a scoop of chocolate peanut butter and a scoop of pineapple - YUM). 

We picked up DVDs from the video store, then breadsticks, macarons, and peanut butter nanaimo bars from a bakery, before heading to the mall. I've been on the hunt for a Castiel Funko Pop, which I didn't find *cries* but Krista and I both got Loki Pops! Back at her place, we settled in for the night with leftover pizza and all our goodies, and watched Guardians of the Galaxy and Captain America: The Winter Soldier. We were both exhausted and went to bed early-ish, then repeated our waffle-and-Nutella breakfast and watched Iron Man 2. We exchanged our pictures from the trip (almost 10 weeks later), had grilled cheese for lunch, and then she brought me home. I didn't want to leave!

 

Have you ever had a falling out with a friend and then reconnected years later? Have you had a permanent friendship break-up? Do you have any friends you've known most of your life? Let's talk here or on Twitter! Also feel free to tell me what you did this weekend - I'd love to know! :-)

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