Showing posts with label self care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self care. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 20, 2019

Spring Cleaning Isn’t Just For Your Home. Here’s How to Spring Clean Your Life Too


Happy first day of Spring! After what felt like 864 days of winter, I’m so ready for warmer days, blooming flowers and trees, and lush green grass. Who's with me? People talk about spring cleaning - decluttering, clearing the dust and cobwebs that built up over the winter, getting rid of things you no longer need (or that no longer serve you or spark joy, if you’re into Marie Kondo’s teachings). Personally, I have a massive list of stuff to clean and organize, and I can’t wait to open the windows again and let in the fresh air. But spring cleaning can be about so much more than just washing and tidying your physical space. Spring is about rebirth and renewal, which makes it the perfect time for a personal renaissance too. This can look like a lot of things: working to change negative or destructive habits, adopting healthy new habits, changing your mindset, working on your spirituality, practicing self-care for better mental health, and much more. I’m thinking of this spring as a time to mentally, physically, and spiritually declutter. In a recent post, I talked about how 2019 is the year of big changes for me. I’m ramping up my efforts this spring and taking things to the next level. If you’re interested in doing the same, here are some ideas for ways to declutter your life this season. Clean out your social media I think a lot of us follow people we don’t really want to follow, whether it’s out of a sense of obligation, or because we once enjoyed someone’s content, or maybe because of a giveaway that required a follow. Social media can be a huge time suck and it can also mess with your head, your confidence, and your self-worth, leaving you feeling drained. Spring is a great time to curate your social media platforms and unfollow the accounts you no longer enjoy following. For me, I enjoy following people who inspire, entertain, and/or provide value of some sort. You don’t need to follow people whose seemingly picture-perfect lives make you feel bad about your own life, or incite jealousy. And if there are people you feel bad about unfollowing (a family member, a co-worker, that old classmate you occasionally run into and don’t want to deal with that awkward ‘why did you unfollow me?’ conversation), there’s a handy-dandy ‘mute’ button on most social media platforms so you can still follow/be friends with someone, but don’t have to see their content unless you choose to.
Similarly, this is a good time to clean up your social media habits. How much time each day do you spend on social media? Do you check it constantly? Spy on that person you can’t stand but still need to know what they’re up to? Lurk in groups? Watch endless YouTube videos? Mindlessly scroll through your feeds? Mindlessly post to your feeds? I think a lot of us spend way more time on social media than we realize (or than we’d like to admit), so take some time and assess your habits and cut back accordingly. Assess your habits and behaviors Think of all the things you do each day or on a regular basis. How mindful are you of how your time is being spent and what you’re doing? At the end of the day or week, do you often find yourself wondering where the time went? Do you feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day or you’re always rolling things over from your to-do list from day to day? How often do you say “I’m too busy” or “I don’t have time for that”? Sometimes we truly are busy and there’s no avoiding it, but many times we get stuck in a cycle of making excuses, procrastinating, and avoiding. This is where assessing your habits comes into play. How much time do you spend on social media? How much time do you spend watching TV? If you don’t have time for the things you claim are important to you but you marathon-watch a whole season of TV each week or you spend hours each night scrolling through social media, it’s likely time to rearrange your priorities. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting you completely cut out social media or TV or any of the other things you might enjoy, but it’s all about priorities and being mindful. If there are things you want to do and feel you don’t have time for, think about what you can cut back on or cut out of your life entirely. Can you get up earlier in the morning? Start saying no to the things you don’t want to do (especially when it’s something you hate doing or for someone who’s ungrateful and takes advantage of you)? Skip an episode of the show you’re watching and spend that hour exercising or reading or doing something mindful instead? Think about the times you say, “I can’t do X because…” Is it a legitimate reason or an excuse?

Your mindset, slowing down, and self-care This year, I’m all about positivity and having a healthy mindset. I’ve become that person who looks for the good, the silver lining, the lessons that can be learned from any situation. Having a positive mindset and focusing on the right things takes work. It doesn’t happen overnight and it’s something that requires changes not only in your thoughts, but also in your behaviors and actions. So many people believe they have to be busy or productive all the time. ‘Hustling’ is a buzzword that gets used a lot, and it’s created a mindset of having to always be doing, doing, doing or you won’t succeed or get ahead in life. While hard work and dedication are important, so many people don’t know or have forgotten how to just be. I saw a meme one day that said ‘You are a human being, not a human doing’ and while it initially made me kind of chuckle, it’s true. There’s something to be said for slowing down, enjoying life beyond the hustle and grind, and just being. This is something that’s been a process for me. I was used to go go go and work ridiculously long hours, and I was tired and stressed most of the time. Throw in mental health struggles like depression and anxiety, and I was pretty miserable. Since I’ve learned to slow down, reset my mindset, rearrange my priorities, and make myself my top priority, I feel like a different person. What’s been working best for me is a routine of regular exercise, yoga, meditation, and journalling, among other things. These things have taught me how to slow down and be conscious of my mental, emotional, and physical states.
Spring holds so many important lessons that parallel life: no matter how long or dark or cold the winter is, spring always comes. Change and growth are beautiful. That change and growth don’t have to remain in nature, they can happen in you too. This is the perfect time to plant new seeds in your mind and see what lovely, bright things grow from them. Make yourself a priority. Make your health - both mental and physical - a priority. Figure out what’s important to you and what’s no longer serving you. Be conscious of your thoughts and how you speak to and about yourself. Slow down and truly enjoy your life. Wishing you all a beautiful season of rebirth and renewal.



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Wednesday, January 17, 2018

6 Self-Care Resolutions to Make a Priority in 2018

We’re about halfway through the first month of a new year, and I’m sure a lot of people are still thinking about - or perhaps rethinking - their new year’s resolutions. There’s something about a new year that seems like a clean slate. You have high hopes for the next 365 days and you want to make plans, set goals, and possibly turn over a new leaf. For many people, those resolutions don’t last longer than a few weeks, but there’s one thing I hope each of us can do and stick with in 2018: proper self-care.

By now, we all know the importance of self-care. It's important no matter who you are or what you do, but it's especially important for people with any sort of mental or physical ailment. I say this as someone with depression and anxiety, who's often hard on herself for either doing too much or not doing enough. There has to be a balance and it's crucial to find that balance. With that in mind, here are 6 self-care resolutions I've made for 2018, and I hope you'll adopt some or all of them for yourself and make them part of your routine and lifestyle.

Less screen time
I say this as someone who practically lives with a screen in front of her face. I’m either on my computer, on my phone, or using my Kindle. Toward the end of last year, I dealt with a bout of nasty chronic headaches that were partly caused by bright screens and eye strain. By reducing screen time, you’ll not only be giving your eyes (and neck, back, and wrists) a break, you’ll also be minimizing distractions, plus who knows what kind of connections you might make or strengthen if your face isn’t buried in a phone all the time? Something I’ve started doing this year is setting my phone out of reach while I’m working so I won’t be tempted to check it every five minutes and end up lost in a loop of surfing Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest. Come on, we all do it. Now it's time to break the habit.

More outdoor time
I’ll admit, this isn’t something that’s easy for me. I work from home and tend to be a hermit. I live in an area with a lot of traffic and not much outdoor space, and while my city has a beautiful bayfront walking trail and park, it’s not accessible by bus and it’s too far away to walk there. Still, I know I need more fresh air, more exercise, and more sunshine, and I’m sure the same is true for many others. If you’re like me and you’re intent on living a more mindful life, connecting with nature could be a great way to clear your mind and focus on the present. Also, for those of you who have trouble sleeping, spending more time outside could end up being a great natural sleep aid.

Less worrying about what other people are doing
This applies to so many things: work, life, social media. Some people seem to have things so easy; they have the dream job, they get to travel, they’re madly in love with a wonderful person, they have a dream house, beautiful children - the list goes on. Just remember: 1) Nobody’s life is perfect. Even if someone’s life looks perfect from the outside, there are always things going on behind the scenes that we don’t know about, and in the case of social media, most people only post the highlights and exciting bits, and some of those things are contrived. 2) Everyone is different, and things happen for people at different times. Many of my friends are in relationships/married, have children, and/or have great jobs. There was a time when it bothered me seeing everyone having the life I wanted - or thought I wanted/should have - and couldn’t seem to achieve. Then I realized it wasn’t my time for those things, and if I continued to work hard, stay positive, and be myself, the things I want will eventually be a reality.

There are still days when I look at other writers and feel envious of their success. There are days when I open Instagram and feel a pit in my stomach because someone is visiting my dream country. I’ve worked hard at not letting these things get to me as much, and I’m going to continue doing that this year. One key bit of advice I’d like to give: if you follow someone on social media, whether you know them in real life or just online, and their life makes you feel bad about yourself - like genuinely bad, not just the occasional twinge of envy - unfollow them. There’s a difference between someone inspiring you and someone making you feel like shit about your own life. I follow several travel bloggers who I admire so much, and while I occasionally have a whiny moment of ‘Ugh, their life is so cool, they get to travel and see amazing things and get all these opportunities, it’s so unfair!’ it’s outweighed by being inspired to work harder and strive for more.

Basically, if someone or something affects your mental health, peace of mind, or puts you in a negative mindspace, eliminate it. Focus on your own life, your own goals, your own accomplishments. Be grateful for what you have while still reaching for the stars and going after what you want.

More exercise
Many of us probably have one similar thing on our list of new year’s resolutions that’s something along the lines of ‘exercise more’ or ‘eat healthier’ or ‘lose weight’. Whether you’re trying to lose weight or just get or stay healthy, exercise is important. Many of us have jobs where we sit at our computers most of the day and then likely come home and sit on the couch the rest of the night. Even if you’re within a healthy weight range, all that sitting is having negative, unseen impacts on your health. Find something you enjoy doing (or if you seriously hate physical activity, at least find something you can tolerate!) and make it a habit. If you’re not used to exercising, start small and work your way up. Walk more, dance around your house, find videos on YouTube you can follow along with, start practicing yoga. If you need some motivation, join a class or find a workout buddy, or if you don't have anyone nearby to join you, find a friend online to be your accountability buddy.

If your goals are weight related, you might have to get a bit more specific with your goal setting. While I’ve learned to be more comfortable in my skin and more confident over the last couple of years, I most definitely need to lose weight for health reasons. That being said, I’m not focusing on numbers, because I know they're not always accurate. The scale changes based on a number of factors, especially for women (hello, hormones, how ya doing), so while I plan to do a monthly weigh-in, I know there are more important things than the number on the scale, like how I feel, how much energy I have, if my clothes are getting looser, etc. It’s perfectly fine to set a goal of ‘lose 20 pounds’ or ‘reach my goal weight’, but you need to take actionable steps, even if they’re baby steps at first. Look at your eating habits, look at your exercise habits, and see where changes can be made. Some people think of self-care as a psychological thing only, but it applies to physical health and all around well-being too!

Less Clutter
This is something that’s good to apply to all areas of your life: online, internally/mentally, and externally. Online: Unsubscribe from newsletters and blogs you never or rarely read. We all sign up for newsletters or blog emails we think will help us find great deals or have helpful information, or simply as a required step in a giveaway. If you aren’t finding value in the emails or they’re just cluttering up your inbox, hit the unsubscribe button. The same goes for what I was talking about before with unfollowing people. I'm sure we all follow some people online that we inevitably end up thinking 'why am I still following this person?' Maybe you initially enjoyed their posts, but your interests have changed over the years or they're posting different content that no longer applies to you. That's fine! We all grow and change, and not everyone is meant to stick around in your life. Mentally: Decluttering your mind can mean anything from a brain dump or to-do list to meditating to consciously changing your thought patterns to clearing your mind through creative endeavors. My mind often feels like my internet browser: way too many windows up and running at any given time. That’s something I definitely need to work on this year. Externally: Start your spring cleaning a bit early this year! Organize your space, streamline where you can, and create a space you love and that’s conducive to whatever it's intended for, whether it’s a work space or a relaxing area. Get rid of things you don’t need, no longer use, or that don’t work. If at all possible, try to do this in an environmentally conscious way by recycling, donating, or even selling items. I’m not saying to get rid of all your things; I’d be a complete hypocrite, because I live surrounded by books, Funko Pops, candles, and other miscellaneous things (check out my bookstagram to get an idea what I'm talking about), but they all have a place and are organized in an aesthetically pleasing way that makes me happy.

More creativity
Find something you love to do - writing, drawing, painting, a craft of some sort, photography - and do it. Creative endeavors can alternately challenge or relax you; figure out which works for you and make it part of your regular routine. Creating something can be incredibly therapeutic and freeing. If you have a job that involves being creative, try to find something different as a hobby that can keep you engaged and make you feel satisfied. For example, I write for a living, so while that’s challenging, satisfying, therapeutic, and a million other things rolled into one, I like to keep my creative juices flowing through photography, graphic design, and colouring. Have fun with it and don’t be afraid to get messy!


Whether you have a ‘new year, new you’ mentality or you’re simply looking to add more peace into your life in 2018, I hope you’ll find these self-care resolutions helpful. Remember that taking care of yourself should be a priority, no matter how busy you are.

Do you have specific self-care goals you want to make a priority this year?


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   Looking Ahead to 2018: My Word + Goals

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Monday, January 8, 2018

Looking Ahead to 2018: My Word + Goals


Last week I shared some of my highlights of 2017. This week, I'm sharing some of my 2018 goals.

I've talked plenty about how the last two years have been difficult for me; between anxiety, depression, and family issues galore, I’ve found it hard to find motivation and even harder to stay focused. That’s why my Word for 2018 is Focus. Unlike most other years, 2018’s Word came to me with complete clarity a few weeks ago. I feel like it encompasses so much more than just the definition of the word itself entails.

I want to focus on the most important things in my life: my family, and the people closest to me. F
ocus on my writing, marketing, and publishing. Focus on my mental and physical health, and living a life of intention and purpose. Focus on my goals and bringing them to fruition. Focus on being present and enjoying life. Focus on the positive. Focus on my inner voice and listen to it when it tells me to fight my fears, push past my doubts, step outside my comfort zone, and also when it tells me to pull back, rest, and recharge.

I have a lot of plans for 2018, and yet I want to be realistic. While my first inclination is to DO ALL THE THINGS, I think that’s been my problem the last few years. I realize early on I can’t do all the things (at least not the way I initially imagine) and then I get overwhelmed and lose motivation, drive, and, yes, focus. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking this over, putting down the ideas swirling through my brain, and I think my goals for 2018 are realistic and manageable.



My 2018 Goals:

*Write Christmas novella

*Write short story to offer as a freebie to my newsletter subscribers

*Revise the romcom I wrote in 2017

*Finish writing book I’ve been calling my ‘secret project’ (a contemporary romance)

*Publish romcom in spring or summer

*Publish Christmas novella in November

*Create new covers for the Angel Island series (I love the original covers, but I feel like it's time for something fresh)

*Work on writing and scheduling regular content for this blog (I’m thinking one post per week, possibly two occasionally)

*Read at least 65 books (check out my GoodReads challenge and books read)

*Continue to grow my community on Bookstagram and Instagram. I can’t lie and say I don’t want to grow my following on both accounts, but making friends and connections is so much more important, and I’m lucky to have made so many amazing friends already.

*Take better care of myself. Eat healthier. Get more exercise. Get outside more. Take more time for self-care.


*Continue to work on being more mindful and present.


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I'm ready for a year of possibilities. Of adventures. Of setting and then smashing goals. Of change. Of laughter and happiness and love and positivity and challenges and hard work and wonderful new memories. I'm ready. Welcome, 2018.

What are some of your goals for 2018? Do you set daily, weekly, or monthly goals? Do you have a Word for 2018? I'd love to hear about your plans for the year ahead!


  


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Monday, October 9, 2017

Why It’s Important to Take Pleasure in the Little Things


It’s Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada, so I thought it was the perfect time to talk about some of the things I’m grateful for, and why I think it’s important now more than ever to take pleasure in and be grateful for the little things in life. I’ve talked before about how the last two years have been difficult for my family and me, and I don’t think I need to go into details about the state of the world. Through all the crap that’s happened, though, I’ve learned to be even more grateful than ever for what I do have.

Lately, I’ve seen many people online talking about feeling a lot of guilt over talking about simple or ‘frivolous’ things, or promoting their books/businesses/blogs while the world seemingly falls apart. I understand that guilt and feel it myself, but the sad truth is, there’s something happening almost daily anymore. It’s easy to get bogged down in the negative, scary things in the world, but we can’t stop living or loving. It’s important to acknowledge the things happening and to fight for change, spread awareness, and show sympathy, but it’s also important to at least try to continue living a somewhat normal life. To take pleasure where you can get it, find the light in all this darkness. There’s nothing wrong with needing an escape from reality and a break from the seemingly never-ending stream of bad news. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about the state of the world.

Here are some of the things I’m grateful for this year, the things I’ve been using as an escape and taking pleasure in when the real world becomes too much.

My family
My mum is my best friend, and she’s the greatest friend anyone could ask for. She’s my sidekick, my confidante, and my favourite person in the world. I’m so blessed to get to spend so much time with her. I also spend a lot of time with my youngest nephew and niece, AKA The Littles. They’re with us most weekends, and we’re all about adventures, tea parties, movies, fun photo shoots, and much more. Every single week they teach me more about patience, unconditional love and understanding, and the importance of having an open mind and being flexible. My 4-year-old niece is a serious badass - strong, fierce, sassy, funny, imaginative, incredibly intelligent - and I’m fostering all of that in her as much as possible because it’s more important now than ever to raise girls to become strong women.

Books
Books have always been an escape and a constant companion for me. Currently romcoms are my jam, and I can’t get enough. A few of my recent favourites: the Castle Calder series by Brenda St John Brown, The Chateau of Happily Ever Afters by Jaimie Admans, Mister Hockey by Lia Riley, and Ten Days With the Highlander by Hayson Manning. I also love books set in my favourite places, especially London. A few of my recent favourites are London Belongs to Me by Jacquelyn Middleton, London Belongs to Us by Sarra Manning, and Act Like It by Lucy Parker.

Friends
Besides my mum, my closest friend is Krista. We’ve been friends since first grade, and have been through so much together. We’ve drifted apart a few times over the years, but we always come back together, leading us both to believe we’re meant to be in each other’s lives. I’m grateful for our talks, ranging from philosophical to silly to all things nerdy/fandom-related and everything in between. I also have some wonderful online friends, who I’ve met through blogging, writing, Twitter, and most recently Bookstagram and Instagram. Speaking of Instagram, I’m also thankful for the creative outlet it provides; it challenges me to be more creative and up my photography game, and it brings me so much pleasure. The community, especially the bookish community is so warm, welcoming, and supportive.

A few recent small pleasures
U2’s new song and music video (basically a love letter to NYC) You’re the Best Thing About Me. Taking up knitting again after many years away from it and starting by making a present for a friend. Rewatching Buffy the Vampire Slayer for the first time in years.

No matter how bad things are, it’s important to find positive things, things to be happy about, things to celebrate. Continuing to live your life doesn’t make you a bad person and it doesn’t mean you don’t care about people’s suffering. Something else that’s important to remember: it’s not selfish to practice self-care or take social media breaks if it means maintaining your sanity. You don’t need to be ‘on’ all the time. Take pleasure where you can get it and be grateful for all the good things in your life and in the world.


What are you grateful for this year? What small things have you taken pleasure in lately? Do you ever feel the guilt I mentioned?



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Tuesday, October 3, 2017

The Importance of Persevering When You Feel Like You’ve Lost Your Creative Spark


In September, after 13 months of on-again/off-again writing, I finally finished writing my 9th novel. There were times when I thought I’d never finish. I was distracted, unmotivated, discouraged, overwhelmed, and about a million other things. Besides dealing with outside factors beyond my control, I was also dealing with inside forces beyond my control: depression and anxiety. As of next month, it’ll be two years since I published something new. Two years. Many authors have periods when they’re not producing new work, but I never thought I'd be one of them.

The last two years have been extremely difficult. Don’t even get me started on the shit show that was 2016. Circumstances in my life prevented me from writing as much as I’d like, and once I got out of the writing groove, I found it nearly impossible to get back into it. After publishing my last novel, Something in the Air, I worked on a contemporary YA I started and abandoned in 2012 for NaNoWriMo, started a contemporary romance, plus I wrote a Christmas novella, which is currently in revisions and will be released in November. So I was still writing, I just wasn’t getting very far or sticking with anything other than my holiday story.

During this time, I watched other authors publish book after book after book. Some of them seemed to have a new book out every month or every other month while I struggled to get a few thousand words written. I’ve learned not to concern myself too much with what others are doing since everyone’s journey is different, but it was hard watching others succeed and forge ahead when I felt stuck. Every month I would tell myself ‘This is the month I’ll complete my WIP and work out a publishing schedule. This is the month I’ll get my act together and stop letting outside factors distract me from the work I love’. And yet here we are in October and I just finished the first draft of my book two weeks ago.

Throughout most of the summer, I was certain I’d have the book done in time to publish in October or November. One day, I was talking through my plans with my mum (my best friend, my sanity, my alpha reader, a goddess among mortals) and it hit me that even if I could finish writing quickly, an autumn publication wasn’t feasible. After not publishing for so long, I want to do it right: generate some buzz around the book, get pre-release reviews, and offer a freebie for newsletter subscribers. When I realized I wouldn’t have it ready by fall and probably not even in 2017, I wanted to break down and cry.

I’ve never been a ‘popular’ author with a huge fan base, but I’m sure a lot of people have forgotten me and many more don’t have a clue who I am. A lack of time to write has left even less time for promotion, and my book sales are nowhere near what they could or should be. Add to that what I said before about watching some of my indie friends publish new books at a steady rate, and I ended up having a bit of a pity party for myself.



Luckily it didn’t last long and I reminded myself this isn’t a competition or a race, and everyone works at a difference pace. I also reminded myself many of the circumstances that have prevented me from writing and slowed me down were unavoidable. The fact it took me so long to write my book doesn’t make my way wrong or ‘less than’. I won’t lie, I’m still disappointed and I hate the fact it’ll be over two years by the time I finally publish something new. But I’m also proud of myself for not letting that disappointment - or my depression and anxiety, paired with my lack of motivation - stop me from writing entirely. I’m proud of myself for working when I could, digging deep into my waning creative well, and not letting self-doubt win. I knew if I let that ugly little voice in my head win, I’d never be able to get out of bed in the morning, let alone finish another story ever again.

I wish I could say the hard part is over now, but there’s still a lot of work to be done. Since it took me so long to write the book, it’s quite disjointed, the timeline is all wrong, and there are some inconsistencies throughout. Rather than going back and fixing those things as I wrote, I made notes and forged ahead, knowing I could fix those things in revisions. A lot of writers hate revisions, but I love them; for me, that’s when the story truly develops, where you can flesh out characters and scenes, cut things that aren’t necessary, and get to the real heart of the story. The revisions on this book will be time-consuming, and I’m sure there’ll be points when I’m frustrated, but I’m just grateful I finally have a story to revise, and I’m ready for the work.

Over the past two years, there have been many times I’ve struggled to stay optimistic. But here’s the thing: Sometimes life gets in the way. Depression, anxiety, and other mental and physical ailments get in the way. Sometimes your creativity is lacking. Sometimes you let self-doubt win. There are a million reasons to do or not do something, and as any creative person knows, we’re often our own worst enemies and harshest critics. So if you’re struggling with your writing (or anything else for that matter), please know you’re not alone. The key is not letting the bad days (or weeks or months or even years) win. Don’t let self-doubt win. If you’re not feeling creative, find other things to stoke your imagination. Work at your own pace and don’t worry about what other people are doing. Take every win as a victory, whether it’s 50 words, 500 words, or 5000 words. Words become sentences become paragraphs become books. Progress is progress, even when it feels like pulling teeth. As hard as it is sometimes, I promise it’s worth it.


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