Self-Isolation Chronicles: Life After Four Weeks at Home

As of yesterday, I’ve officially been self-isolating for four weeks. I’ve left the house a total of two times - both quick trips to get groceries. Here’s a little background for you: my mum and I share an apartment. She’s retired (she’ll be 80 in a couple of weeks, which puts her in one of the most susceptible age groups for Covid-19) and I work from home. We don’t have a car so we normally travel by bus. Our city’s bus system is decent; it has its issues and annoyances like any other mode of public transit, but it gets us where we need to go. It can be difficult hauling groceries home, but we’ve been doing it for a long time. Near the beginning of March, I saw a lot of my friends in the UK talking about how bad things were getting there. The virus was spreading and so was the panic. People were emptying shelves of food and, of course, toilet paper. Will we ever get over the whole toilet paper thing? It honestly boggles my mind and I’m still hearing people say it’s scarce in a lot of places. Anyway, seeing this on a daily basis made me realize it was only a matter of time before the same thing happened here. My mum and I decided to make as many trips as necessary to get stocked up on supplies so we could avoid taking the bus if things got really bad. We made a total of three trips in the first two weeks of March, with the last one being Friday the 13th. By then, the panic was spreading here and people were beginning to stockpile. I had seen pictures and videos online and on TV of crowds of shoppers and empty shelves, but it was incredibly sobering to see it in person. I was grateful I’d had the foresight to start stocking up the week before because I knew that Friday would be our last trip before going into isolation. I want to note that while we stocked up on essentials, we didn’t stockpile; not only is there only so much the two of us can carry home on the bus, there's are also only so much storage in our two-bedroom apartment. For the first week and a bit, I was in a near-constant anxiety spiral. I pretty much lived on Twitter, reading news from around the world and stories of how people were coping - or not coping. I quickly learned I was far from alone in my inability to concentrate on anything. The countless other creatives who said they were unable to focus on work made me feel marginally better. I wanted to get off Twitter and do something - anything - and yet I’d get stuck in a loop and suddenly huge chunks of time had gone by and I couldn’t account for any of it. Reading the news was upsetting and heartbreaking, and left me feeling like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. Between my anxiety and my empathic nature, it was all so overwhelming. Add to that the fact I wasn’t writing or doing anything work-related, and I was a wreck.

The view from my balcony. Wishing on all the stars these days.

It took me about two weeks to wean myself off Twitter. Now I’m on it about as much as I was pre-pandemic. I still haven’t done much writing, but I’m back to reading, which is a huge relief because it’s a great escape. One of the weirdest things about this whole situation is that in the grand scheme of things, my life isn’t that much different now than it usually is. I work from home and I don’t have much of a social life. The only people I typically see regularly (besides my mum, of course) are my brother and my youngest nephew and niece (who I'm currently missing like crazy; their absence is one of the hardest parts of all this). The majority of my friends are online and are scattered all over the world, and my best friend lives out of town so I’m used to not seeing her for months at a time. And yet everything feels different. I think it’s the uncertainty and the fear; not knowing how long we’ll be in isolation, and also being afraid of somehow catching the virus or someone we know and love getting sick. It’s knowing this has affected the entire world, and so many are suffering.
I’m ever hopeful I’ll be able to get back to writing regularly, but I’m slowly learning not to be so hard on myself. I keep seeing people saying ‘this is not normal working from home, this is working from home during a pandemic - it’s not the same’. The thing is, my anxiety often manifests as guilt, and I was feeling a lot of guilt those first couple of weeks. I constantly felt like I should be doing something productive and using this time wisely, but it just wasn’t happening. I told so many other people not to be too hard on themselves, but found it difficult to extend that same compassion to myself. I’m slowly getting better at it. Now I’m concentrating on the things that bring me joy and provide a distraction. Some of them make me feel productive and others don’t - both are valid. The two routines I’ve managed to maintain through all of this are my daily French lesson on Duolingo and my daily step goal. What’s helped with that last one is having an ongoing weekday competition on Fitbit with my best friend and her siblings, in-laws, and a couple of friends. We started around the beginning of the year and have kept it up every week. We've all been doing fewer steps the last two weeks, but we’re still going, and I know for me it’s a huge motivator because it keeps me accountable. I’ve been cooking a lot lately. I’ve always been the main cook in my home and I swing between loving it and doing it out of necessity. I’d lost a lot of interest in it before all this, but since being isolated, my passion has been rekindled. One night my mum pointed out it was likely because I had more time, and I realized she was right; I’d normally work all day, stop to cook and eat, then often go back to work for a bit. It was a chore. Now it’s nothing for me to spend up to an hour in the kitchen every evening, and I’ve gotten back into experimenting and having fun with cooking again.

One of my favourite creations so far; click here to find out what's in it

Talking to friends has been a huge help through all this. I swear I spend half the day sending memes, pictures, and various funny things to my two closest friends. We still vent and talk about the things bothering us, but we always make sure to keep each other laughing too. I've also been chatting a lot more with people on Twitter and Instagram; it's been nice having the chance to grow closer to people I already cared about and to make some new friends too. We really are all in this together and it's important to remember that.
I'm keeping myself entertained with books, Instagram, and Schitt’s Creek. I’ve been gravitating toward the light and funny, and Schitt’s Creek is perfect for that. I guess I’d been living under a rock because I don’t remember really even hearing about the show until late last year. I started watching it a few weeks ago and it’s exactly the type of thing I need right now - hilarious, ridiculous, and heartfelt. I also absolutely love the fact it’s filmed in Canada and features almost an entirely Canadian cast. As for reading, my lack of concentration affected my reading for awhile but I’m back to it now, thank goodness. I’m all about the light and funny with books too, and I’ve been recommending tons of my favourites on bookstagram lately. I have a few blog posts with book recommendations planned too, so stay tuned for those!

How are you dealing with everything? How has life changed for you since all this began? What's been bringing you joy and keeping you sane through this?

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The #myblueskydays Instagram Hashtag Challenge and Giveaway

“She said she always felt better on blue sky days. Like nothing could be too bad when the sky was blue and there was so much beauty in the world.”

~Blue Sky Days by Marie Landry

Today marks 25 years since my dad’s death from leukemia. He was three months shy of his 50th birthday, and I was only 10. As you can imagine, it was a devastating loss for my family, and it changed our lives completely. Jump ahead about ten years to when I wrote what would end up being my debut novel, Blue Sky Days. The story was a way to honour my dad and give a character I came to love the happily ever after my dad didn’t get.

For years, I’ve wanted to do a photo challenge inspired by Blue Sky Days. The time has finally come, and I’m SO excited to bring you the #myblueskydays hashtag. The idea is to post pictures of your blue sky days; you can be literal and post pics of blue skies and nature, or you can use the term in the meaning associated with the book: anything that brings you joy. Happy days spent with loved ones, quiet moments, big events, a good book, a cup of coffee, a beloved pet, a favourite travel destination - anything goes as long as it’s something that makes you happy. My hope with this hashtag is to create a community of people who appreciate beauty, find magic in the everyday, and want to spread love and kindness.

THE GIVEAWAY:

*Use the hashtag on as many of your posts as you like between now and July 31st. Pics don’t have to be new, but they must be posted between today and July 31st to count for the giveaway. Two random winners will be chosen from all entries at the end of July and will each get a $10 gift card of their choice. If there’s enough interest in the hashtag I’ll make the giveaway a monthly thing. Feel free to use the hashtag whether you follow me or not. I completely understand not every feed is for every person, and I won’t take it personally if you choose not to follow me. BUT if you want to be eligible for the prize, you must be following me.

*Bonus entry #1: Share my main challenge post on Instagram in your stories or mention the challenge and tag me

*Bonus entry #2: If you post a picture of my book Blue Sky Days, you’ll get 1354 bonus points. Just kidding! Kind of. No, but really, if you happen to take a picture of Blue Sky Days (on your phone, e-reader, or tablet - the book is currently only available on Kindle, Kobo, iBooks, and Nook) you’ll get an extra entry, along with my eternal gratitude. I’m an indie author with limited connections, so every single sale and every time someone mentions or posts about my book(s) to someone else means the world to me and helps more than you can imagine.

*Note: The challenge itself will be taking place on Instagram, but feel free to use the hashtag on other social media platforms as well and I'll be sure to keep an eye on it and like your posts!

That's it! If you have any questions, feel free to leave a comment here or better yet, leave a comment on my original Instagram post. You can also DM me on Instagram. Let's have a summer (or winter if you're in the southern hemisphere) full of blue sky days!

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Reminiscing About Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris and Thoughts on Why the Fire That Nearly Destroyed the Historical Landmark Touched People Worldwide

All photographs in this post are courtesy of my best friend, Krista Van Staalduinen, from our trip to Paris in June 2015, and have been used with her permission

Yesterday afternoon when I opened Facebook and saw the news that Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris was on fire, my heart sank. I hoped it was a minor fire and the pompiers (firefighters) in Paris would be able to put it out. But as the afternoon wore on and my social media feeds filled with pictures and videos of the raging fire, that sick feeling in my stomach grew. Notre Dame was burning in earnest; 800+ years of history was literally going up in flames. Now because there are always ignorant, negative people on social media, I had the displeasure of seeing someone make the comment, “But it’s only a building. Be glad nobody died.” Of course everyone is glad nobody died; it’s an absolute miracle nobody was killed. And, yes, okay, it is technically just a building and you can’t equate that with the loss of human life. But it’s so much more than ‘just a building’. For centuries, Notre Dame has been a symbol of Paris. A symbol of art, architecture, history, religion, and culture. It has survived the French Revolution and two World Wars. You don’t have to be Catholic - or even Christian - to appreciate its beauty and rich history. Those things, paired with the fact it seemed like one of those monuments that would be around forever, are part of what makes this such a devastating tragedy for people all over the world. Whether you’ve been to Notre Dame, hoped to go there someday, or you’re indifferent, this is a loss felt by the whole world.

I had the pleasure of visiting Notre Dame twice. My first time was in 2001; I was 17, and it was my first trip abroad. It was a whirlwind ten days of history and art and food and freedom. We saw ancient buildings and priceless art and so many things that left me speechless, but I remember being in complete awe when we walked into Notre Dame. It was swarming with people, and yet there was this hushed sort of reverence inside as people wandered around or sat in the pews or lit candles.

I vividly remember stopping in front of the statue of Joan of Arc and feeling this rush of emotions that brought tears to my eyes. I had just done a school project on the saint and felt this strange affinity to her; I had gone above and beyond on my project, reading everything I could get my hands on (and these were the days when there wasn’t much to be found online, so I think I checked out nearly every book from my library that so much as referenced her). Even though it was just a statue, it was like history coming alive in front of me and making it more real. Another special moment was when I lit a candle in memory of my dad, who died in 1994, and whose family originated in France.

My second trip to Paris, and to Notre Dame, was in 2015. Our time in Paris was cut short after an issue at the border in Callais, France (it was closed due to riots and strikes, so we were stuck in Dover, England for a day, unable to cross the Channel until the border reopened). That meant we only had about two full days in Paris, but we were determined to make the most of it and see as much as possible. I knew for sure that despite having seen it 14 years before, I wanted to see Notre Dame again. It had made a real impression on me, and I wanted my travelling companion/bestie, Krista - a fellow lover of art, history, and architecture - to see it. I can honestly say it was just as awe-inspiring the second time. Tragedies like this show us that nothing - not even the things that seem indestructible and eternal - lasts forever. Just because something has stood the test of time, as Notre Dame did for hundreds of years, doesn’t mean it can or will forever. A friend messaged me yesterday and told me how much she regretted skipping a visit to the cathedral during both her visits to Paris because of the long lines, assuming she’d visit it next time. I saw other people sharing the same sentiment on social media yesterday and this morning. Because that's the thing, right? We all think we have time. Time to see and do the things we want, especially when it comes to seeing the things that have always been there and you assume always will be. When I think of my last trip to Europe, one thing that often comes to mind is the number of times we had to wait in line. The first instance was our visit to the Tower of London. Krista and I wanted to see the Crown Jewels, but the people we were with didn’t want to ‘waste time’ in line. Krista and I looked at each other and agreed that we hadn’t travelled thousands of miles to let something like a line stop us from seeing something we wanted - and had paid a lot of money - to see. So we got ourselves some ice cream from a nearby vendor and we waited in line, taking pictures, talking, and laughing all the while. That moment set a precedence for us: if there was something we wanted to see, screw the lines. It happened again several times throughout our travels (the most memorable being the hour we spent in the blazing Italian sun while waiting to enter St. Peter’s Basilica in the Vatican), including when we visited Notre Dame. We had a limited amount of time to squeeze in everything we wanted to do, but it was a beautiful day, so even though the lines stretched all the way to the end of the square, we joined the queue. Now I’m so grateful we did.

We hear about ‘gentle reminders’ all the time these days. ‘Just sending a gentle reminder to get your entries in for X by tonight’ or a ‘gentle reminder to practise self-care’. Well, let this horrible event serve as a not-so-gentle reminder. Do the things you want to do. See the things you want to see. I know it’s not always that simple, believe me. If I could hop on a plane to Europe right now I would, but it’s not possible right this moment. But whenever possible, even if it may make you a little uncomfortable, even if it means stepping outside your comfort zone (hell, especially if it means stepping outside your comfort zone), even if it takes time, even if it means waiting in a huge line, do the things you want to do. Don’t assume you can ‘do it next time’ because there might not be a next time. Let this also serve as an everyday reminder: Take chances. Do the things you love to do, as often and as joyfully as you can. Appreciate the good people in your life. Make sure the people you love know how you feel about them. See and do as much as you can, because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed.

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Thoughts on How You Want to be Known in Life and How You Want to be Remembered

Like many people, Luke Perry’s death at the beginning of March had a big impact on me. There have been several celebrity deaths over the last few years that have made me sad enough to shed tears (including Robin Williams, George Michael, David Bowie, and Alan Rickman to name a few), and Luke’s death was no different. I was only six when Beverly Hills, 90210 started, and while I didn’t watch it until I was older, I was always aware of it and the actors. In the days and weeks after his death, my social media feeds were full of pictures and stories of Luke. Whether people had worked closely with him or had only met him once, he seemed to leave a lasting impression. The general sense I got about him was that he was kind, generous, thoughtful, a true professional, and also a true gentleman. The stories made me smile and cry, and really got me thinking. Luke was only 52 when he died, and yet it’s clear his memory will live on through the people who knew and loved him, and those of us who just felt like we knew him. A few days after Luke's death, on International Women’s Day, I shared a post on Instagram paying tribute to the two women who have most shaped who I am. My Grama was the type of person everyone loved; she treated everyone with kindness and respect, and her inherent goodness radiated through her dazzling smile. Everyone who met her loved her. My mum is the same way; she makes friends wherever she goes, and people are drawn to her. Among countless other valuable life lessons, these two women taught me about kindness, strength, following your dreams, and never giving up. All of this has made me think about the lasting impression we can have, sometimes without even realizing it. How one encounter or a handful of encounters or a lifetime with someone can shape who you are or change your life. I’ve mentioned before how I’m making big changes in my life this year, changes regarding my mindset, my mental and physical health, living with joy, and much more. I’ve been gravitating toward like-minded people, those who encourage others to live with intention and to discover their purpose or their ‘why’. These things have been on my mind a lot lately, coming up again and again during meditation and through journaling. And it’s led me to wonder a few things: How do people see me? How do I want to be known? What kind of impression do I want to leave? How can I leave a lasting, positive impression? How can I help people? I already have a good sense of my purpose in life (something I’ll likely talk about in future posts), and I’m learning to live in service to that purpose with intention and joy. I'm also learning to make positive changes and improvements to become the best person I can be. When I think of the two women who helped shape who I am, and of Luke Perry and the legacy he left behind, several common things come up: Kindness. Humour. Wisdom. Honesty. Integrity. All traits I admire and try to embody. All traits I hope to be known for. I want to make a point of adding here, when I say thinking about ‘how people see me’, I don’t mean that I allow other people’s opinions or judgments to influence me. Some people live their lives worrying about what other people think and changing who they are to fit certain labels or adhere to society’s norms. That’s not what I’m talking about here. I mean consciously making changes that feel right to you in order to be the type of person others look up to and admire, someone who inspires people, someone who leaves others better or happier or more enlightened than they were before.

Some people possess enough self-awareness that they already know they’re leaving an impact and doing good. Their relationships are strong and healthy and they’re confident in who they are and what they’re doing. For others, it might take some soul searching. If you’re not sure, start by thinking of the people you admire most and the traits they embody. How can you be more like them while remaining your true, authentic self? Digging deeper, I think the easiest way to figure out what you want and who you want to be is to first address what you don’t want and who you don’t want to be. Think of the people around you, both in your everyday life and on social media. We likely all have some of *those people* in our lives who do nothing but complain. People who are incredibly negative, confrontational, passive-aggressive, play the victim, don’t take responsibility for any of their actions, make endless excuses, brag constantly, take joy in saying offensive things, and the list goes on. Do you just know those people or are you, perhaps, one of them? If you can definitively say you’re not one of them, chances are you can also definitively say you don’t want to be one of them. That’s a good place to start. Some questions to ask yourself: If asked to describe me in a completely honest way, what would the people closest to me say about me? Am I a good friend/partner/sibling, etc? Do I check in regularly? Do I make an effort? Do I initiate contact and get-togethers or leave it up to them? Am I supportive and encouraging? Do I show gratitude? Do I take them for granted? Do I use them? Am I providing value in their life? Do I get upset with them easily? Do I take my anger and frustrations out on them? Am I someone people can talk to openly and honestly? Am I trustworthy? Do I follow through with the things I say I’m going to do? Do I only ever talk about myself and my life/problems/plans? Do I make time for others freely and willingly or only when it’s convenient for me? Do I hold grudges and hold onto bitterness and resentment? Am I petty or jealous? Am I dependable and reliable? Do people know they can count on me? If some of these questions bring up negative answers or emotions for you, that’s okay. The important thing is acknowledging and addressing those issues. The beautiful thing about life is it’s never too late to change. You can take responsibility for your actions and behavior and change your life at any moment. It’s a process and it certainly doesn’t happen overnight, but with some adjustments in your attitude and mindset, anything is possible. You can be whoever you want to be. You can’t control how people see you, but you can control your actions, which might help people see you in a different way. Something that has really affected my own actions recently is being put in the position of being a role model. I have nephews and nieces, and I’ve always tried to be a good example for them, but lately my five-year-old niece is my shadow. Wherever I am, she’s there too; whatever I’m doing, she’s doing it too; whatever I say, she says it too; whatever I’m interested in, she’s interested in it too. The way she admires me, copies me, and looks up to me has made me extremely aware of the power I have to influence and shape her. So I make sure to teach her about being true to herself. I make sure to praise her wonderful attributes, like her intelligence, her humour, her kindness, and her generosity. It’s a really weighty responsibility, and it’s one I take seriously because I know how important those early years are and what an impact I can have on her growing mind.
Someday I want her and her brothers to talk about me the way I talk about my mum and Grama. I want the people in my life to think of me with a smile on their face. I want the people who follow me online to feel like I’m providing value and being authentic, and I want them to feel inspired, uplifted, hopeful, and like they’ve learned something.

How do you want to be known? When other people think of you, what do you hope they think? When you’re gone, how do you wish to be remembered?

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Spring Cleaning Isn’t Just For Your Home. Here’s How to Spring Clean Your Life Too

Happy first day of Spring! After what felt like 864 days of winter, I’m so ready for warmer days, blooming flowers and trees, and lush green grass. Who's with me? People talk about spring cleaning - decluttering, clearing the dust and cobwebs that built up over the winter, getting rid of things you no longer need (or that no longer serve you or spark joy, if you’re into Marie Kondo’s teachings). Personally, I have a massive list of stuff to clean and organize, and I can’t wait to open the windows again and let in the fresh air. But spring cleaning can be about so much more than just washing and tidying your physical space. Spring is about rebirth and renewal, which makes it the perfect time for a personal renaissance too. This can look like a lot of things: working to change negative or destructive habits, adopting healthy new habits, changing your mindset, working on your spirituality, practicing self-care for better mental health, and much more. I’m thinking of this spring as a time to mentally, physically, and spiritually declutter. In a recent post, I talked about how 2019 is the year of big changes for me. I’m ramping up my efforts this spring and taking things to the next level. If you’re interested in doing the same, here are some ideas for ways to declutter your life this season. Clean out your social media I think a lot of us follow people we don’t really want to follow, whether it’s out of a sense of obligation, or because we once enjoyed someone’s content, or maybe because of a giveaway that required a follow. Social media can be a huge time suck and it can also mess with your head, your confidence, and your self-worth, leaving you feeling drained. Spring is a great time to curate your social media platforms and unfollow the accounts you no longer enjoy following. For me, I enjoy following people who inspire, entertain, and/or provide value of some sort. You don’t need to follow people whose seemingly picture-perfect lives make you feel bad about your own life, or incite jealousy. And if there are people you feel bad about unfollowing (a family member, a co-worker, that old classmate you occasionally run into and don’t want to deal with that awkward ‘why did you unfollow me?’ conversation), there’s a handy-dandy ‘mute’ button on most social media platforms so you can still follow/be friends with someone, but don’t have to see their content unless you choose to.
Similarly, this is a good time to clean up your social media habits. How much time each day do you spend on social media? Do you check it constantly? Spy on that person you can’t stand but still need to know what they’re up to? Lurk in groups? Watch endless YouTube videos? Mindlessly scroll through your feeds? Mindlessly post to your feeds? I think a lot of us spend way more time on social media than we realize (or than we’d like to admit), so take some time and assess your habits and cut back accordingly. Assess your habits and behaviors Think of all the things you do each day or on a regular basis. How mindful are you of how your time is being spent and what you’re doing? At the end of the day or week, do you often find yourself wondering where the time went? Do you feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day or you’re always rolling things over from your to-do list from day to day? How often do you say “I’m too busy” or “I don’t have time for that”? Sometimes we truly are busy and there’s no avoiding it, but many times we get stuck in a cycle of making excuses, procrastinating, and avoiding. This is where assessing your habits comes into play. How much time do you spend on social media? How much time do you spend watching TV? If you don’t have time for the things you claim are important to you but you marathon-watch a whole season of TV each week or you spend hours each night scrolling through social media, it’s likely time to rearrange your priorities. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting you completely cut out social media or TV or any of the other things you might enjoy, but it’s all about priorities and being mindful. If there are things you want to do and feel you don’t have time for, think about what you can cut back on or cut out of your life entirely. Can you get up earlier in the morning? Start saying no to the things you don’t want to do (especially when it’s something you hate doing or for someone who’s ungrateful and takes advantage of you)? Skip an episode of the show you’re watching and spend that hour exercising or reading or doing something mindful instead? Think about the times you say, “I can’t do X because…” Is it a legitimate reason or an excuse?

Your mindset, slowing down, and self-care This year, I’m all about positivity and having a healthy mindset. I’ve become that person who looks for the good, the silver lining, the lessons that can be learned from any situation. Having a positive mindset and focusing on the right things takes work. It doesn’t happen overnight and it’s something that requires changes not only in your thoughts, but also in your behaviors and actions. So many people believe they have to be busy or productive all the time. ‘Hustling’ is a buzzword that gets used a lot, and it’s created a mindset of having to always be doing, doing, doing or you won’t succeed or get ahead in life. While hard work and dedication are important, so many people don’t know or have forgotten how to just be. I saw a meme one day that said ‘You are a human being, not a human doing’ and while it initially made me kind of chuckle, it’s true. There’s something to be said for slowing down, enjoying life beyond the hustle and grind, and just being. This is something that’s been a process for me. I was used to go go go and work ridiculously long hours, and I was tired and stressed most of the time. Throw in mental health struggles like depression and anxiety, and I was pretty miserable. Since I’ve learned to slow down, reset my mindset, rearrange my priorities, and make myself my top priority, I feel like a different person. What’s been working best for me is a routine of regular exercise, yoga, meditation, and journalling, among other things. These things have taught me how to slow down and be conscious of my mental, emotional, and physical states.
Spring holds so many important lessons that parallel life: no matter how long or dark or cold the winter is, spring always comes. Change and growth are beautiful. That change and growth don’t have to remain in nature, they can happen in you too. This is the perfect time to plant new seeds in your mind and see what lovely, bright things grow from them. Make yourself a priority. Make your health - both mental and physical - a priority. Figure out what’s important to you and what’s no longer serving you. Be conscious of your thoughts and how you speak to and about yourself. Slow down and truly enjoy your life. Wishing you all a beautiful season of rebirth and renewal.

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2019: The Year of Big Life Changes

I was sick with the cold from hell through most of December 2018. I had a short reprieve for a few days around Christmas, and then it came back with a vengeance and stuck around until the new year. During the first bout, I kept working as normal; I had things to do, and I couldn’t let a cold slow me down, even though I could hardly breathe and had serious brain fog. After Christmas, though, I knew my body was telling me it was time to slow down. So while it was completely strange and foreign to me, I took time off work (for the most part), and relaxed. I did a lot of reflecting, some planning for 2019, and took time to nap and read and get better. During that time, I realized two things: 1) I need to relax more often and take better care of myself. And 2) 2018 was kind of a blur. There were some definite highlights - like spending several days in the summer with my bestie in one of my favourite cities, then spending another few days with her in November, plus publishing my first full-length book in three years - but the rest sort of just blended together. I had wanted to be more mindful and more present, get more accomplished, and basically DO ALL THE THINGS, so how was it that in the last week of the year I could hardly remember anything other than the highlights and a general sense of it being a better year than the previous few? I knew something had to change. Or, more accurately, a lot of ‘somethings’. It was time to take control of my life. I’d spent too long feeling stuck, letting the days collect, and making excuses. So. Many. Excuses. I also realized I was surrounded by people who made a lot of excuses too, and that wasn’t helping. So, like millions of other people, I decided to go into the new year seeing 2019 as a fresh start. But I knew it had to be different from every other new year and every other ‘fresh start’. I feel like something happened to me in that last week of 2018; call it an epiphany, call it an acetaminophen-fueled breakthrough, call it whatever you want, but something finally clicked. And here I am, two months into the new year, at the point where my fresh start has usually fallen by the wayside in favour of old habits, and I’m still going strong. What’s different this time? So many things. I went into this year knowing I’d have to completely shift my mindset. Analyze my old habits, figure out what wasn’t working and what was no longer serving me, and change those things. That meant focusing on myself, making myself a priority, and going into this knowing I wanted deep and lasting change - mind, body, and soul. I needed to stop letting outside influences affect me, and do whatever was needed to ensure I have the best life possible. And it’s working. The thing is, it’s easy to make resolutions. It’s easy to say you’re going to lose ten pounds or you’re going to save more money or you’re going to be more positive. But without a plan of action, without ways to make those things happen, those resolutions become something you think about for a few weeks every year, and maybe even do something about for awhile, but most of the time, no real change comes from them.

Now, you might be wondering what changes I’ve made. I mentioned shifting my mindset, and that’s been a big part of it. In fact, that’s the root of all the changes in my life. Because I've learned everything starts in your own mind. Your goals, your dreams, your actions, your emotions - you control all those things. And once you realize that, once you realize your thoughts have power, you learn to shift the way you think and you reframe the things that once held you back. There are some things that are out of your control, but you can control how you react to those things. So that’s something I’ve been working on. Not only being more positive, but also being more grateful, more open, more present, and expanding my mind. I’ve been learning a lot and finding inspiration from intelligent, high-vibe women like Susannah Conway, Kathrin Zenkina, Mel Robbins, and Ezzie Spencer. (If you're interested in making some positive changes too, I encourage you to check out their sites for more information. And if Pinterest is your thing, you might want to check out my board A Life of Purpose and Intention, which I add to daily.) Other changes in my lifestyle: I’ve started a regular workout routine, and I’m practising yoga and meditation. These have been things I’ve done on and off over the years, but they’re really clicking for me this time. I find I actually love exercising, and the meditation has been incredible for me. I’m going to talk more about my FitBit Alta HR in an upcoming post, but I want to say this because I think it's amazing: when I first got the FitBit in November, my resting heart rate was 75 BPM. Since I’ve started exercising and meditating regularly, my resting BPM is 69. I find I’m much calmer, less reactive, and it’s helped my anxiety and depression so much. Usually, January and February are really difficult for me and I get a wicked case of Seasonal Affective Disorder, but other than feeling a lack of motivation at times when the weather was dreary for days on end, I’ve stayed out of that dark, depressive hole. I feel better, I have more energy, and for the first time in a long time, I’m excited and optimistic about my future. To round things out, I’ve also been working with the Law of Attraction, manifestation, journaling, and Lunar Abundance, but I think those are subjects for another time since this post is already running long! I feel like I’m on a whole new life path and amazing things are unfolding for me. And despite the changes I feel inside (and the physical changes I see in my body), I know this is a process, and I’m being patient with myself. I think that’s where a lot of people fail when they embark on a journey of change. Things don’t happen quickly enough or in the way they want, so they give up. I’ve been guilty of that plenty of times. Not this time, though. This time feels different from all the others, and I’m determined this isn’t going to be a new year’s fad, but a lasting lifestyle change. And I'm going to continue to write about it as a way to not only hold myself accountable, but to also hopefully help and inspire others along the way. I’ll be talking more about this in the coming weeks and months, and I hope you’ll follow along. If there’s anything you’d like to know or something you'd like me to talk more about in the future, feel free to pop your questions in the comments. I also talk a lot about mindset and positivity on my Instagram, so if you want daily doses of that (plus stuff about writing, books, travel, and my favourite things), be sure to follow me @rambling_daydreamer.

Are you making any lifestyle changes in 2019? Did you make resolutions or set goals at the beginning of the year? How are you doing with them two months into the new year?

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Experiencing Jealousy as an Author And How To Turn It Into Something Positive

Let’s talk about that little green-eyed monster I’m sure we’re all acquainted with in one form or another: jealousy. Jealousy, or even envy, is likely a natural state of being for many creative people, since we tend to be full of self-doubt and various insecurities. It’s easy to play the comparison game, feel inadequate, and be jealous of other people’s success or the things they have or the opportunities they’ve been given. While it's natural, it's not something you want to let consume or control you. You can choose to let those feelings make you bitter, or you can flip them around and use them as motivation and inspiration. The latter is exactly what I'm doing this year. I follow a few extremely successful authors on Instagram. Last year, I zoned in on one indie author in particular. She’s pretty and peppy, she writes great books, her Instagram feed is gorgeous, and she has a picture-perfect family. She publishes every three months like clockwork, and all of her books zoom to the top of the Amazon bestseller charts. Basically, she seems to have it all and have her life together. Of course appearances can be deceiving, especially on social media, but she talks often about how she makes things work and keeps things running relatively smoothly. Another popular author I follow is a hybrid author (some of her books are self-published and others are published through a traditional publisher). At the time I discovered her Instagram (I was already following her on Twitter), she had been in Italy for several weeks. She seems to travel more often than she’s home, and she too publishes several books a year. With every new picture these two authors posted - every trip, every new success, every little orange bestseller sticker on Amazon, every week on a bestseller list, every hundred reviews for their brand new books - jealousy crept in more and more. I kept thinking ‘Why her and not me? What am I doing wrong? Why do some people have all the success?’ As of January 2019, I’ve been self-publishing for seven years. It’s been a rollercoaster ride in many ways - plenty of ups and downs, plateaus, and times where I felt like I was stalled on the track trying to get the mechanics of the thing going again. I’ve hit ‘publish’ a total of twelve times in the last seven years, ranging from novellas to novels to short stories, Young Adult to New Adult to Contemporary Romance to Women’s Fiction. I’ve had varying degrees of success with each of my books. I’ve tried many different approaches to promotion, again with varying degrees of success. I was examining my feelings of jealousy and inadequacy one day last autumn, and it hit me: the big difference between these two authors and me is they’re putting in the work. They’re writing and publishing consistently. They both have busy schedules and lives outside of writing and publishing, but they still make writing a priority. When I realized that, instead of continuing to let jealousy eat away at me, I decided to turn those feelings into something positive: a learning experience. Inspiration. Motivation. Something to aspire to rather than allowing other people’s successes to make me feel bad about myself. Besides putting in the work, these two also have a few other things in common: they love what they write. They write the books they want to write, regardless of the market. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen so-called experts say that to succeed you need to a) write series, and b) write to market. These authors don’t do either of those things. That was a big lightbulb moment for me because I don’t write to market either. I write the stories that take hold of my heart and mind, even if they don’t fit the current trends or whatever the hot tropes of the moment are. Speaking of which, and still on the topic of jealousy, I was recently talking to a good friend who’s also a writer, and she told me how frustrated she is with writing and publishing. She’s poured a ton of money into promos and advertisement, giveaways, award and recognition submissions (like Kirkus and awards that require entry fees), and she hired a big PR company to promote her books. For the last year or two, I’ve watched as she seemingly had all these incredible opportunities, got her books in the hands of the right people, built a loyal following of superfans, and so many of the other things I’ve struggled to do. And she did it all within a couple years, while I’ve been at it for seven. But then she confessed that even with all the money she’s spent and the outward appearance of success, all those things haven’t actually influenced her sales much. Many of the ‘right people’ who have her book haven’t even bothered to read it. I was flabbergasted. All this time, I’d been wishing I had the kind of budget she appeared to have so I could hire people to do all the things I’ve either been doing myself or that are currently out of my financial reach (like making paperbacks for my books and running regular ads). This eye-opening conversation proved how deceiving appearances can be and that we can’t really know what goes on behind the scenes a lot of the time. For a long time, I didn’t make writing a priority. I had some things happening in my life that threw me off track and I found it difficult to get back into a routine. I’m still struggling with it, but it’s getting better. Something I talked about last year with a few writer friends was the concept of working smarter, not harder. I wanted so badly to embody that, but I didn’t. I felt like I was spinning my wheels a lot of the time, remembering the long-ago days when I was able to focus better and write more consistently. If I’m completely honest, I simply spent a lot of time making excuses and procrastinating. You can’t expect the results if you don’t put in the work. It’s that simple. Now, if only it were as simple on the flip side: put in the work and see the results!

Even though I do still feel that green-eyed monster creeping up from time to time, I’m flipping those negative emotions and turning them into fuel. Fuel to write consistently, write what I love, and publish more consistently. And even if I never quite reach the bestselling, tens of thousands of followers, hordes of megafans level of success of the two authors who initially made me examine my own jealousy, that’s okay. Everyone is different and everyone’s journey is different. It doesn’t mean I’m doing anything wrong, it just means my path is different.
And who knows, maybe someday I’ll be sitting pretty on the bestseller lists with those same two authors. A girl can dream, right?

Do you experience jealousy? How do you deal with it?

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