Thoughts on How You Want to be Known in Life and How You Want to be Remembered

Like many people, Luke Perry’s death at the beginning of March had a big impact on me. There have been several celebrity deaths over the last few years that have made me sad enough to shed tears (including Robin Williams, George Michael, David Bowie, and Alan Rickman to name a few), and Luke’s death was no different. I was only six when Beverly Hills, 90210 started, and while I didn’t watch it until I was older, I was always aware of it and the actors. In the days and weeks after his death, my social media feeds were full of pictures and stories of Luke. Whether people had worked closely with him or had only met him once, he seemed to leave a lasting impression. The general sense I got about him was that he was kind, generous, thoughtful, a true professional, and also a true gentleman. The stories made me smile and cry, and really got me thinking. Luke was only 52 when he died, and yet it’s clear his memory will live on through the people who knew and loved him, and those of us who just felt like we knew him. A few days after Luke's death, on International Women’s Day, I shared a post on Instagram paying tribute to the two women who have most shaped who I am. My Grama was the type of person everyone loved; she treated everyone with kindness and respect, and her inherent goodness radiated through her dazzling smile. Everyone who met her loved her. My mum is the same way; she makes friends wherever she goes, and people are drawn to her. Among countless other valuable life lessons, these two women taught me about kindness, strength, following your dreams, and never giving up. All of this has made me think about the lasting impression we can have, sometimes without even realizing it. How one encounter or a handful of encounters or a lifetime with someone can shape who you are or change your life. I’ve mentioned before how I’m making big changes in my life this year, changes regarding my mindset, my mental and physical health, living with joy, and much more. I’ve been gravitating toward like-minded people, those who encourage others to live with intention and to discover their purpose or their ‘why’. These things have been on my mind a lot lately, coming up again and again during meditation and through journaling. And it’s led me to wonder a few things: How do people see me? How do I want to be known? What kind of impression do I want to leave? How can I leave a lasting, positive impression? How can I help people? I already have a good sense of my purpose in life (something I’ll likely talk about in future posts), and I’m learning to live in service to that purpose with intention and joy. I'm also learning to make positive changes and improvements to become the best person I can be. When I think of the two women who helped shape who I am, and of Luke Perry and the legacy he left behind, several common things come up: Kindness. Humour. Wisdom. Honesty. Integrity. All traits I admire and try to embody. All traits I hope to be known for. I want to make a point of adding here, when I say thinking about ‘how people see me’, I don’t mean that I allow other people’s opinions or judgments to influence me. Some people live their lives worrying about what other people think and changing who they are to fit certain labels or adhere to society’s norms. That’s not what I’m talking about here. I mean consciously making changes that feel right to you in order to be the type of person others look up to and admire, someone who inspires people, someone who leaves others better or happier or more enlightened than they were before.

Some people possess enough self-awareness that they already know they’re leaving an impact and doing good. Their relationships are strong and healthy and they’re confident in who they are and what they’re doing. For others, it might take some soul searching. If you’re not sure, start by thinking of the people you admire most and the traits they embody. How can you be more like them while remaining your true, authentic self? Digging deeper, I think the easiest way to figure out what you want and who you want to be is to first address what you don’t want and who you don’t want to be. Think of the people around you, both in your everyday life and on social media. We likely all have some of *those people* in our lives who do nothing but complain. People who are incredibly negative, confrontational, passive-aggressive, play the victim, don’t take responsibility for any of their actions, make endless excuses, brag constantly, take joy in saying offensive things, and the list goes on. Do you just know those people or are you, perhaps, one of them? If you can definitively say you’re not one of them, chances are you can also definitively say you don’t want to be one of them. That’s a good place to start. Some questions to ask yourself: If asked to describe me in a completely honest way, what would the people closest to me say about me? Am I a good friend/partner/sibling, etc? Do I check in regularly? Do I make an effort? Do I initiate contact and get-togethers or leave it up to them? Am I supportive and encouraging? Do I show gratitude? Do I take them for granted? Do I use them? Am I providing value in their life? Do I get upset with them easily? Do I take my anger and frustrations out on them? Am I someone people can talk to openly and honestly? Am I trustworthy? Do I follow through with the things I say I’m going to do? Do I only ever talk about myself and my life/problems/plans? Do I make time for others freely and willingly or only when it’s convenient for me? Do I hold grudges and hold onto bitterness and resentment? Am I petty or jealous? Am I dependable and reliable? Do people know they can count on me? If some of these questions bring up negative answers or emotions for you, that’s okay. The important thing is acknowledging and addressing those issues. The beautiful thing about life is it’s never too late to change. You can take responsibility for your actions and behavior and change your life at any moment. It’s a process and it certainly doesn’t happen overnight, but with some adjustments in your attitude and mindset, anything is possible. You can be whoever you want to be. You can’t control how people see you, but you can control your actions, which might help people see you in a different way. Something that has really affected my own actions recently is being put in the position of being a role model. I have nephews and nieces, and I’ve always tried to be a good example for them, but lately my five-year-old niece is my shadow. Wherever I am, she’s there too; whatever I’m doing, she’s doing it too; whatever I say, she says it too; whatever I’m interested in, she’s interested in it too. The way she admires me, copies me, and looks up to me has made me extremely aware of the power I have to influence and shape her. So I make sure to teach her about being true to herself. I make sure to praise her wonderful attributes, like her intelligence, her humour, her kindness, and her generosity. It’s a really weighty responsibility, and it’s one I take seriously because I know how important those early years are and what an impact I can have on her growing mind.
Someday I want her and her brothers to talk about me the way I talk about my mum and Grama. I want the people in my life to think of me with a smile on their face. I want the people who follow me online to feel like I’m providing value and being authentic, and I want them to feel inspired, uplifted, hopeful, and like they’ve learned something.

How do you want to be known? When other people think of you, what do you hope they think? When you’re gone, how do you wish to be remembered?

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Spring Cleaning Isn’t Just For Your Home. Here’s How to Spring Clean Your Life Too

Happy first day of Spring! After what felt like 864 days of winter, I’m so ready for warmer days, blooming flowers and trees, and lush green grass. Who's with me? People talk about spring cleaning - decluttering, clearing the dust and cobwebs that built up over the winter, getting rid of things you no longer need (or that no longer serve you or spark joy, if you’re into Marie Kondo’s teachings). Personally, I have a massive list of stuff to clean and organize, and I can’t wait to open the windows again and let in the fresh air. But spring cleaning can be about so much more than just washing and tidying your physical space. Spring is about rebirth and renewal, which makes it the perfect time for a personal renaissance too. This can look like a lot of things: working to change negative or destructive habits, adopting healthy new habits, changing your mindset, working on your spirituality, practicing self-care for better mental health, and much more. I’m thinking of this spring as a time to mentally, physically, and spiritually declutter. In a recent post, I talked about how 2019 is the year of big changes for me. I’m ramping up my efforts this spring and taking things to the next level. If you’re interested in doing the same, here are some ideas for ways to declutter your life this season. Clean out your social media I think a lot of us follow people we don’t really want to follow, whether it’s out of a sense of obligation, or because we once enjoyed someone’s content, or maybe because of a giveaway that required a follow. Social media can be a huge time suck and it can also mess with your head, your confidence, and your self-worth, leaving you feeling drained. Spring is a great time to curate your social media platforms and unfollow the accounts you no longer enjoy following. For me, I enjoy following people who inspire, entertain, and/or provide value of some sort. You don’t need to follow people whose seemingly picture-perfect lives make you feel bad about your own life, or incite jealousy. And if there are people you feel bad about unfollowing (a family member, a co-worker, that old classmate you occasionally run into and don’t want to deal with that awkward ‘why did you unfollow me?’ conversation), there’s a handy-dandy ‘mute’ button on most social media platforms so you can still follow/be friends with someone, but don’t have to see their content unless you choose to.
Similarly, this is a good time to clean up your social media habits. How much time each day do you spend on social media? Do you check it constantly? Spy on that person you can’t stand but still need to know what they’re up to? Lurk in groups? Watch endless YouTube videos? Mindlessly scroll through your feeds? Mindlessly post to your feeds? I think a lot of us spend way more time on social media than we realize (or than we’d like to admit), so take some time and assess your habits and cut back accordingly. Assess your habits and behaviors Think of all the things you do each day or on a regular basis. How mindful are you of how your time is being spent and what you’re doing? At the end of the day or week, do you often find yourself wondering where the time went? Do you feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day or you’re always rolling things over from your to-do list from day to day? How often do you say “I’m too busy” or “I don’t have time for that”? Sometimes we truly are busy and there’s no avoiding it, but many times we get stuck in a cycle of making excuses, procrastinating, and avoiding. This is where assessing your habits comes into play. How much time do you spend on social media? How much time do you spend watching TV? If you don’t have time for the things you claim are important to you but you marathon-watch a whole season of TV each week or you spend hours each night scrolling through social media, it’s likely time to rearrange your priorities. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting you completely cut out social media or TV or any of the other things you might enjoy, but it’s all about priorities and being mindful. If there are things you want to do and feel you don’t have time for, think about what you can cut back on or cut out of your life entirely. Can you get up earlier in the morning? Start saying no to the things you don’t want to do (especially when it’s something you hate doing or for someone who’s ungrateful and takes advantage of you)? Skip an episode of the show you’re watching and spend that hour exercising or reading or doing something mindful instead? Think about the times you say, “I can’t do X because…” Is it a legitimate reason or an excuse?

Your mindset, slowing down, and self-care This year, I’m all about positivity and having a healthy mindset. I’ve become that person who looks for the good, the silver lining, the lessons that can be learned from any situation. Having a positive mindset and focusing on the right things takes work. It doesn’t happen overnight and it’s something that requires changes not only in your thoughts, but also in your behaviors and actions. So many people believe they have to be busy or productive all the time. ‘Hustling’ is a buzzword that gets used a lot, and it’s created a mindset of having to always be doing, doing, doing or you won’t succeed or get ahead in life. While hard work and dedication are important, so many people don’t know or have forgotten how to just be. I saw a meme one day that said ‘You are a human being, not a human doing’ and while it initially made me kind of chuckle, it’s true. There’s something to be said for slowing down, enjoying life beyond the hustle and grind, and just being. This is something that’s been a process for me. I was used to go go go and work ridiculously long hours, and I was tired and stressed most of the time. Throw in mental health struggles like depression and anxiety, and I was pretty miserable. Since I’ve learned to slow down, reset my mindset, rearrange my priorities, and make myself my top priority, I feel like a different person. What’s been working best for me is a routine of regular exercise, yoga, meditation, and journalling, among other things. These things have taught me how to slow down and be conscious of my mental, emotional, and physical states.
Spring holds so many important lessons that parallel life: no matter how long or dark or cold the winter is, spring always comes. Change and growth are beautiful. That change and growth don’t have to remain in nature, they can happen in you too. This is the perfect time to plant new seeds in your mind and see what lovely, bright things grow from them. Make yourself a priority. Make your health - both mental and physical - a priority. Figure out what’s important to you and what’s no longer serving you. Be conscious of your thoughts and how you speak to and about yourself. Slow down and truly enjoy your life. Wishing you all a beautiful season of rebirth and renewal.

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7 Books to Satisfy Your Ireland Wanderlust

Anyone who knows me well knows I’m obsessed with Ireland, and have been for many years. I still haven’t actually made it to the Emerald Isle, but I travel there vicariously as often as I can. If you’re like me and you’ll read just about anything set in Ireland, I’ve put together a list of some of my favourite books to satisfy your desire for sexy accents, lush landscapes, and a bit of blarney. A common theme I’ve noticed about books set in Ireland is the desire for the main character to lose themself or escape. People seem to go there for a fresh start, a new perspective, and a bit of romance or magic - often both. Because of that, all of the books on this list with one exception are romances, and they range from Young Adult to Adult. Here’s hoping you’ll find your next favourite book on this list!

Jewels of the Sun by Nora Roberts Genre: Contemporary Adult Romance with elements of paranormal Buy Jewels of the Sun: Amazon US || Amazon Canada

This book is the first in the Gallaghers of Ardmore trilogy (Tears of the Moon is book two and Heart of the Sea is the third book), which follows a trio of Irish siblings and their ‘destined’ romances. I’ve read all three books multiple times, and they’ve definitely stoked my obsession with Ireland. Jewels of the Sun features Jude, an American who has gone to Ireland to get distance from her past and also to do research for a book on Irish folklore. Not only does she discover the existence of faeries and ghosts, she also finds a charming Irishman she finds impossible to resist. This is my favourite of the trilogy because I related to Jude so much, and I loved how romance, folklore, and magic were woven through the story. This whole series will always have a special place in my heart; you can read more on Instagram about how these books were my introduction to the Romance genre.

Love & Luck by Jenna Evans Welch Genre: Contemporary Young Adult Buy Love & Luck: Amazon US || Amazon Canada

Addie and her family travel to Ireland for her aunt’s wedding. She’s supposed to fly to Italy after the wedding to visit her best friend, but plans change unexpectedly and she’s stuck in Ireland. She embarks on a whirlwind tour of Ireland with her brother, his Irish friend, and a guidebook that’s supposed to help heal a broken heart. This book is so sweet and charming. It has the perfect mix of complex characters, real emotion, and humour. The relationship between Addie and her brother Ian was a highlight for me. ‘Travelling’ around Ireland with them was so much fun, and it was as much an emotional journey as a physical one.

There You’ll Find Me by Jenny B Jones Genre: Contemporary Young Adult
Buy There You'll Find Me: Amazon US || Amazon Canada

This is another one of those ‘go to Ireland to get lost and end up getting found’ books. Following the death of her brother, Finley travels to Ireland in the hopes of reclaiming her creativity so she can prepare for her interview at the Manhattan music conservatory. When she lost her brother, she also lost her creativity, and she’s having trouble holding onto her faith. Normally I shy away from books with religious themes because I find they can be preachy, but I actually really appreciated Finley’s journey back to finding her faith, among other things. It was done really well, and I loved ‘being’ in Ireland with her, as well as the adorable Irish love interest Beckett (who’s a Hollywood star, so if the ‘famous guy falls for regular girl’ trope is your thing, add this one to your list).

The Upside of Falling Down by Rebekah Crane Genre: Contemporary Young Adult
Buy The Upside of Falling Down: Amazon US || Amazon Canada

Just like I tend to shy away from books with religious themes, I also tend to avoid books that feature characters with amnesia. I can’t remember whether this book was a random Amazon discovery or if someone recommended it to me, but I was sold on the Irish setting.
Clementine wakes up in a hospital in Ireland with no memories. All she knows is what she’s told: she was the lone survivor of a plane crash, and her dad is on his way from America. She doesn’t remember why she was on that plane, what her plans were for Ireland, or anything about herself, her past, or her family. The pressure of trying to remember, paired with nothing feeling right to her, is too much to handle, so when she meets a cute Irish boy visiting the hospital, she assumes a new identity, makes up a story about why she’s there, and asks for his help...which includes fleeing the hospital and travelling to a different part of Ireland. I loved that more than anything, this was a story about discovering who you are and who you want to be, while still honouring your past. The characters were great, and I was completely invested in their story.

Top O’ the Mournin’ by Maddy Hunter
Genre: Cozy Mystery
Buy Top O’ the Mournin’: Amazon US || Amazon Canada

Breaking up all the contemporary and romance books...Top O’ the Mournin’ is the second book in the Passport to Peril series (aka my absolute favourite cozy mystery series). These books follow the misadventures of Emily, a tour guide in charge of a band of misfit seniors from Iowa. Trouble - and death - follow them everywhere they go, and Ireland is no different. What I love about Hunter’s books (besides the fact they’re laugh-out-loud funny from beginning to end) is how vividly she describes the setting of each book without ever overdoing it. You really feel like you’re there. Also, I’ve read all 12 of Hunter’s books and I’ve never once correctly guessed the killer, so she’s a master at weaving a great mystery.

Her Best Laid Plans by Cara McKenna Genre: Contemporary Romance
Buy Her Best Laid Plans: Amazon US || Amazon Canada

This novella is from Cosmopolitan’s Red Hot Reads Harlequin line and it’s perfect if you’re looking for a quick, sexy read. Don’t let the 85-page length fool you; this book packs a surprising amount of content, including a fun plot and fleshed-out characters.

Jamie has escaped to Ireland after having her heart broken. She's reconciled herself to a quiet two weeks house-sitting when she meets hot Irish bartender Connor. They both know there can be no future for them, but that doesn't stop them from enjoying each other's company while they can...and by 'enjoying each other's company', let me just say this book is called a red-hot read for a reason! *fans self*

Love and Shenanigans by Zara Keane
Genre: Adult Romantic Comedy
Buy Love and Shenanigans: Amazon US || Amazon Canada

This is the only book on the list that doesn’t involve ‘escaping’ to Ireland, because it features characters who already live there and is written by an Irish author. Love and Shenanigans is the first in the Ballybeg series, which follows the lives, loves, and misadventures of people in the small town of Ballybeg, Ireland.
After discovering the drunken vows they exchanged in Las Vegas almost a decade ago were actually legally binding, Fiona and Gavin find themselves in a bit of a predicament...especially since Gavin was about to marry someone else. Unfortunately (or in this case, fortunately), the divorce laws in Ireland make a quickie divorce impossible, so Fiona and Gavin have to figure out what to do next. If escapist fun is your thing, this book will likely be a hit!

Have you read any of these books? Do you have a favourite book set in Ireland? Have you been to Ireland?

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2019: The Year of Big Life Changes

I was sick with the cold from hell through most of December 2018. I had a short reprieve for a few days around Christmas, and then it came back with a vengeance and stuck around until the new year. During the first bout, I kept working as normal; I had things to do, and I couldn’t let a cold slow me down, even though I could hardly breathe and had serious brain fog. After Christmas, though, I knew my body was telling me it was time to slow down. So while it was completely strange and foreign to me, I took time off work (for the most part), and relaxed. I did a lot of reflecting, some planning for 2019, and took time to nap and read and get better. During that time, I realized two things: 1) I need to relax more often and take better care of myself. And 2) 2018 was kind of a blur. There were some definite highlights - like spending several days in the summer with my bestie in one of my favourite cities, then spending another few days with her in November, plus publishing my first full-length book in three years - but the rest sort of just blended together. I had wanted to be more mindful and more present, get more accomplished, and basically DO ALL THE THINGS, so how was it that in the last week of the year I could hardly remember anything other than the highlights and a general sense of it being a better year than the previous few? I knew something had to change. Or, more accurately, a lot of ‘somethings’. It was time to take control of my life. I’d spent too long feeling stuck, letting the days collect, and making excuses. So. Many. Excuses. I also realized I was surrounded by people who made a lot of excuses too, and that wasn’t helping. So, like millions of other people, I decided to go into the new year seeing 2019 as a fresh start. But I knew it had to be different from every other new year and every other ‘fresh start’. I feel like something happened to me in that last week of 2018; call it an epiphany, call it an acetaminophen-fueled breakthrough, call it whatever you want, but something finally clicked. And here I am, two months into the new year, at the point where my fresh start has usually fallen by the wayside in favour of old habits, and I’m still going strong. What’s different this time? So many things. I went into this year knowing I’d have to completely shift my mindset. Analyze my old habits, figure out what wasn’t working and what was no longer serving me, and change those things. That meant focusing on myself, making myself a priority, and going into this knowing I wanted deep and lasting change - mind, body, and soul. I needed to stop letting outside influences affect me, and do whatever was needed to ensure I have the best life possible. And it’s working. The thing is, it’s easy to make resolutions. It’s easy to say you’re going to lose ten pounds or you’re going to save more money or you’re going to be more positive. But without a plan of action, without ways to make those things happen, those resolutions become something you think about for a few weeks every year, and maybe even do something about for awhile, but most of the time, no real change comes from them.

Now, you might be wondering what changes I’ve made. I mentioned shifting my mindset, and that’s been a big part of it. In fact, that’s the root of all the changes in my life. Because I've learned everything starts in your own mind. Your goals, your dreams, your actions, your emotions - you control all those things. And once you realize that, once you realize your thoughts have power, you learn to shift the way you think and you reframe the things that once held you back. There are some things that are out of your control, but you can control how you react to those things. So that’s something I’ve been working on. Not only being more positive, but also being more grateful, more open, more present, and expanding my mind. I’ve been learning a lot and finding inspiration from intelligent, high-vibe women like Susannah Conway, Kathrin Zenkina, Mel Robbins, and Ezzie Spencer. (If you're interested in making some positive changes too, I encourage you to check out their sites for more information. And if Pinterest is your thing, you might want to check out my board A Life of Purpose and Intention, which I add to daily.) Other changes in my lifestyle: I’ve started a regular workout routine, and I’m practising yoga and meditation. These have been things I’ve done on and off over the years, but they’re really clicking for me this time. I find I actually love exercising, and the meditation has been incredible for me. I’m going to talk more about my FitBit Alta HR in an upcoming post, but I want to say this because I think it's amazing: when I first got the FitBit in November, my resting heart rate was 75 BPM. Since I’ve started exercising and meditating regularly, my resting BPM is 69. I find I’m much calmer, less reactive, and it’s helped my anxiety and depression so much. Usually, January and February are really difficult for me and I get a wicked case of Seasonal Affective Disorder, but other than feeling a lack of motivation at times when the weather was dreary for days on end, I’ve stayed out of that dark, depressive hole. I feel better, I have more energy, and for the first time in a long time, I’m excited and optimistic about my future. To round things out, I’ve also been working with the Law of Attraction, manifestation, journaling, and Lunar Abundance, but I think those are subjects for another time since this post is already running long! I feel like I’m on a whole new life path and amazing things are unfolding for me. And despite the changes I feel inside (and the physical changes I see in my body), I know this is a process, and I’m being patient with myself. I think that’s where a lot of people fail when they embark on a journey of change. Things don’t happen quickly enough or in the way they want, so they give up. I’ve been guilty of that plenty of times. Not this time, though. This time feels different from all the others, and I’m determined this isn’t going to be a new year’s fad, but a lasting lifestyle change. And I'm going to continue to write about it as a way to not only hold myself accountable, but to also hopefully help and inspire others along the way. I’ll be talking more about this in the coming weeks and months, and I hope you’ll follow along. If there’s anything you’d like to know or something you'd like me to talk more about in the future, feel free to pop your questions in the comments. I also talk a lot about mindset and positivity on my Instagram, so if you want daily doses of that (plus stuff about writing, books, travel, and my favourite things), be sure to follow me @rambling_daydreamer.

Are you making any lifestyle changes in 2019? Did you make resolutions or set goals at the beginning of the year? How are you doing with them two months into the new year?

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