One to Watch by Kate Stayman-London: A Bitter Disappointment

One to Watch by Kate Stayman-London
Published: July 7th, 2020
Publisher: Dial Press
Tropes: Reality TV
Heat level: 🔥🔥
My rating: 2.5 stars
# of pages: 432
Acquired this book: From the publisher via Netgalley in exchange for honest consideration
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Bea Schumacher is a devastatingly stylish plus-size fashion blogger who has amazing friends, a devoted family, legions of Insta followers--and a massively broken heart. Like the rest of America, Bea indulges in her weekly obsession: the hit reality show Main Squeeze. The fantasy dates! The kiss-off rejections! The surprising amount of guys named Chad! But Bea is sick and tired of the lack of body diversity on the show. Since when is being a size zero a prerequisite for getting engaged on television?

Just when Bea has sworn off dating altogether, she gets an intriguing call: Main Squeeze wants her to be its next star, surrounded by men vying for her affections. Bea agrees, on one condition--under no circumstances will she actually fall in love. She's in this to supercharge her career, subvert harmful anti-fat beauty standards, inspire women across America, and get a free hot air balloon ride. That's it.

But when the cameras start rolling, Bea realizes things are more complicated than she anticipated. She's in a whirlwind of sumptuous couture, Internet culture wars, sexy suitors, and an opportunity (or two, or five) to find messy, real-life love in the midst of a made-for-TV fairy tale. In this joyful, razor-sharp debut, Bea has to decide whether it might just be worth trusting these men--and herself--for a chance to live happily ever after.

I had high hopes for One to Watch - a fat Instagram-famous fashionista going on a reality dating show to find love? Sign me up! I was expecting something cute, funny, empowering, romantic, and feel-good. What I actually got was slammed in the face with a book full of fatphobia, making One to Watch incredibly difficult to read and often downright depressing.

I love when I can relate to a character, whether it’s because they’re fat or deal with mental illness or they’re nerdy or love to travel or whatever. If I can connect to a character because of common life experiences or interests, it makes it that much easier to love a book. In the case of One to Watch, my connection to Bea stirred up a lot of painful emotions. See, like Bea, I’m fat. I’ve always been fat. I’ve been made fun of, I’ve been bullied, I’ve been ridiculed, I’ve been judged. And like Bea, I’ve worried that no one will ever see past my size and love me for me. After so many rejections, both big and small, it becomes impossible to fathom that anyone would ever find you desirable or love you or be in a relationship with you. I’ve felt invisible for so long that it’s become a shield, and I saw that in Bea - her suspicion and mistrust and defensiveness around people, especially guys.

While on the one hand it was nice to see myself in Bea and to see the struggles many fat people face talked about with brutal honesty (emphasis on the 'brutal'), it was also too much at times. Bea couldn’t seem to catch a break. For most of the book, it seemed like her fears about how she was perceived and would never find love were completely founded. People treated her like shit. They judged and ridiculed her. So much of the book was Bea being relentlessly humiliated by fatphobic assholes and questioning her self-worth. At times it felt overwhelming seeing all my own fears and insecurities play out right before my eyes. 

All of this isn’t to say I didn’t like Bea, because I did. I could see myself being friends with her and I’d definitely love to get some fashion tips from her! I appreciated how strong and smart and real she was. The reality TV aspect of the book was interesting; I used to be obsessed with The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, so I enjoyed reading about the fictionalized version of a show like that with all its ups and downs, the drama, and the dream dates. I didn’t connect to any of the guys, though, and didn’t think any of them were really right for Bea. With the premise of the book being a reality dating show, the guys’ motivations weren’t clear (were they there for fame? Did they want to use the show to advance their own careers? Did they want to get a spot on one of the franchise’s spin-off shows?) and we didn’t get to know any of them well enough to know whether they suited Bea long term. Her constant doubts about them didn’t help either because I found myself mistrustful of every single one of them, waiting for the moment when she would be humiliated yet again...which always, always happened.

Overall, this book was a miss for me. There were too few triumphs for Bea after so much pain, heartache, and humiliation. I was hoping for a book that would leave me feeling hopeful and happy, not depressed and disappointed. I would have loved to see Bea have more things work out in her favour, more circumstances where she was the winner instead of the loser. She was obviously a confident, self-assured woman, but we got to see very little of that because she was constantly put in crappy situations that often left her feeling like the butt of a bad joke.

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Get a Life, Chloe Brown by Talia Hibbert: All the Giggles and Swoons

Get a Life, Chloe Brown by Talia Hibbert
Published: November 5th, 2019
Publisher: Avon
Genre: Romantic comedy
Tropes: Enemies to lovers
Heat level: Hot hot HOT!!
# of pages: 369
My rating: 5 stars
Acquired this book: From the publisher in exchange for honest consideration
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Chloe Brown is a chronically ill computer geek with a goal, a plan, and a list. After almost—but not quite—dying, she’s come up with seven directives to help her “Get a Life”, and she’s already completed the first: finally moving out of her glamourous family’s mansion. The next items?

Enjoy a drunken night out.

Ride a motorcycle.

Go camping.

Have meaningless but thoroughly enjoyable sex.

Travel the world with nothing but hand luggage.

And... do something bad.

But it’s not easy being bad, even when you’ve written step-by-step guidelines on how to do it correctly. What Chloe needs is a teacher, and she knows just the man for the job.

Redford ‘Red’ Morgan is a handyman with tattoos, a motorcycle, and more sex appeal than ten-thousand Hollywood heartthrobs. He’s also an artist who paints at night and hides his work in the light of day, which Chloe knows because she spies on him occasionally. Just the teeniest, tiniest bit.

But when she enlists Red in her mission to rebel, she learns things about him that no spy session could teach her. Like why he clearly resents Chloe’s wealthy background. And why he never shows his art to anyone. And what really lies beneath his rough exterior…

This book. THIS BOOK. *happy sigh* This was one of my most anticipated releases of 2019, so when the lovely people at Avon Books asked if I’d like a copy for consideration, I jumped at the chance (literally jumped - it was part of my happy dance). I’ll admit I wanted to read it even before reading the synopsis. I mean, look at the cover. So many of us are used to seeing thin white women and white couples, so that adorable plus-size woman of colour caught my interest immediately. Then I read the synopsis and knew I had to have this book in my life.

And let me tell you, it did not disappoint. In fact, it exceeded my expectations. Because not only do we have a heroine who’s a curvy black woman, we have a heroine who’s dealing with chronic illness. I honestly didn’t know much about fibromyalgia or what all it encompassed, but I learned so much, and I loved the way it was incorporated into the story. Chloe was a sassy, sarcastic badass who had been dealt a crappy hand and was doing her best to keep going, despite being in constant pain and having a myriad of other symptoms. Red - sexy, sweet, thoughtful Red - was the first person to really see through her shields and not only appreciate her wit and sass, but also see who she really was underneath the walls she’d put up to protect herself.

I loved Chloe and Red separately and together. They were two flawed people who sometimes did and said the wrong thing and messed up spectacularly but who were ultimately willing to overcome the obstacles life threw at them because they worked so well together. Their banter was hilarious, their chemistry was off the charts, and the sexytime scenes were scorching hot. I loved the way serious subjects were handled, from chronic illness to therapy to emotional abuse. I also absolutely loved the fact we had a plus-size heroine who never once mentioned dieting or losing weight or feeling less-than in any way because of her size, and a hero who loved all her luscious curves.

There’s just so much to love about this book. I was laughing from the first page and pretty much giggled and grinned my way through the book. There were serious moments too - Chloe’s illness was no joke - and there were moments, especially toward the end, that had me tearing up. I could seriously go on and on, but since I can’t, I’ll just say that if you enjoy hilarious, sexy, emotional stories with real, relatable characters, you need to read Get a Life, Chloe Brown. A massive thank-you to Talia Hibbert for writing this incredible book and to Avon for sending me a copy.

Have you read Get a Life, Chloe Brown? Do you have any favourite books featuring characters with chronic illness?

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Review: The Upside of Unrequited by Becky Albertalli

The Upside of Unrequited by Becky Albertalli
Series: Standalone
Published: April 11th, 2017
Publisher: Balzer + Bray
352 pages (eARC)
Genre: Contemporary Young Adult
Acquired this book: Via Edelweiss in exchange for honest consideration
Warning: May contain spoilers
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Seventeen-year-old Molly Peskin-Suso knows all about unrequited love. No matter how many times her twin sister, Cassie, tells her to woman up, Molly can’t stomach the idea of rejection. So she’s careful. Fat girls always have to be careful.

Then a cute new girl enters Cassie’s orbit, and for the first time ever, Molly’s cynical twin is a lovesick mess. Meanwhile, Molly's totally not dying of loneliness—except for the part where she is. Luckily, Cassie's new girlfriend comes with a cute hipster-boy sidekick. If Molly can win him over, she'll get her first kiss and she'll get her twin back.

There's only one problem: Molly's coworker, Reid. He's a chubby Tolkien superfan with a season pass to the Ren Faire, and there's absolutely no way Molly could fall for him.

Right?

From the synopsis of The Upside of Unrequited and things I’d heard early readers saying, I knew I’d love this book. I adored Albertalli’s debut, Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda, so that added to my confidence I’d enjoy this book. I honestly wasn’t prepared for just how much this book would affect me. How much I’d love it. I didn’t just like and connect with Molly, I AM Molly. I’m the fat girl. I’m the one with the unrequited crushes (and a lot of them...I’ve always been famous among my friends for my crushes, just like Molly). I’m the one who often feels like she’s being left behind. I feel like Becky Albertalli wrote this book just for me, and it’s a really long time since I felt that way. It’s also been ages since I didn’t want a book to end, but I didn’t want this book to end; I could have read about Molly and her family and friends forever. I loved this sweet, hilarious, heartfelt book from the first page to the last.

A million little things made me love The Upside of Unrequited. Molly’s crushes, her love of Pinterest, her sense of humour, her intelligence, her friendships, her family. This book had one of the best, most diverse and complex cast of side characters I’ve ever read. Each character had a purpose, and each one of them leapt off the page. Besides Molly being relatable, the situations she dealt with were realistic and relatable. They were things we all experience - change, growing apart from your friends or even your family, learning to deal, figuring out how and even if you fit. The romance was beyond adorable and made me giggle and swoon and happy sigh. There was a perfect amount of tension and enough conflict to make you wonder how or even if things would work out for Molly. I also loved the tie-ins with Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda.

One of the many things that stood out to me (as much as I’d like to touch on all of them, I can’t or this review would be endless) was the fact Molly’s weight never became an *issue*. She knew she was fat, she had moments of being self-conscious, and she worried her weight could be a reason for all the unrequited crushes, but not once did she think she should lose weight because it would make her happy or make boys like her or make life easier. I admired that so much. There are so few books with main characters who are fat, and most of them turn it into a ‘book that deals with weight issues’ but in this case, it was just one of many things about Molly, a part of the whole. As a girl who’s been fat her whole life, I appreciated that so much.
    
This book left me feeling warm and fuzzy, airy and light, happy and hopeful. It’s rare to read a book that packs such an emotional punch without being full of tragedy or major drama. Albertalli perfectly captured not just the teen experience, but the LIFE experience - confusion, lust, heartache, joy, hope, love, and every other emotion you can think of. This is one of those books that while it’s meant for teens and I feel like it’s a must-read for teens, it will be a story just about anyone can connect with. We’ve all been through at least some of what Molly goes through during the course of the story. I’m nearly twice Molly’s age, but I saw myself reflected in so many of her thoughts and actions. So much so, in fact, that this book had a huge emotional impact on me. I found myself crying through a lot of it - not because it was sad, but because Molly’s emotions rang so true and because I’ve been where she was and often felt very alone. Her journey was beautiful and poignant and left me with such a wonderfully hopeful, happy feeling.

I didn’t think Becky Albertalli could top Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda, but I loved The Upside of Unrequited even more than Simon. Simply put, this book is perfection. If I could go back in time and give any book to Teen Me this would be it. Honestly, though, 33-Year-Old Me needed it just as much as Teen Me would have. I can’t often afford to buy physical copies of books after reading an eARC, but as soon as I was done reading The Upside of Unrequited, I got online and bought a copy. This is a book I need to own, need to see on my shelf every day, and need to reread. Whenever I feel hopeless or down, I’ll think of Molly and I know I’ll smile.

Read my review of Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda

Buy Simon ~ Amazon US/Canada || Chapters

Have you read The Upside of Unrequited? What did you think? If you haven't read it, do you plan to? Have you read Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda? What's the last book you really connected with?

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Review: Second Position by Katherine Locke

Second Position by Katherine Locke
Series: District Ballet Company #1
Published: April 13th, 2015
Publisher: Carina Press
200 pages (ebook)
Genre: Contemporary NA
Acquired this book: Bought
Warning: May contain spoilers
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Four years ago, a car accident ended Zedekiah Harrow’s ballet career and sent Philadelphia Ballet principal dancer Alyona Miller spinning toward the breakdown that suspended her own. What they lost on the side of the road that day can never be replaced, and grief is always harshest under a spotlight...

Now twenty-three, Zed teaches music and theatre at a private school in Washington, D.C. and regularly attends AA meetings to keep the pain at bay. Aly has returned to D.C. to live with her mother while trying to recover from the mental and physical breakdown that forced her to take a leave of absence from the ballet world, and her adoring fans.

When Zed and Aly run into each other in a coffee shop, it’s as if no time has passed at all. But without the buffer and escape of dance—and with so much lust, anger and heartbreak hanging between them—their renewed connection will either allow them to build the together they never had... or destroy the fragile recoveries they've only started to make.

Second Position is a beautiful, unique story about second chances at life and at love. Aly and Zed’s scars - mental and physical - run deep. They hurt each other, they hurt themselves, and now they’re trying to heal, together and separately. Nothing came easily for them, and I appreciated that, because every step of their recovery, every step back to each other, although painful to read about at times, was believable. It made me root for them that much harder because their obstacles never felt like plot devices, they felt like things real people go through. Aly and Zed had so much history, and that was both good and bad. They’d changed so much in the years since the accident, so while things were familiar and certain traits and habits were familiar, they had to get to know each other all over again in a lot of ways. These two characters became so real to me, I felt like I was watching two friends struggling to find their way.

One of my favourite things about Second Position was Aly’s growth. She had so much going against her. Her own mind was her worst enemy, and that’s a scary and dangerous thing. I loved her passion, and that even though ballet had the potential to destroy her, it was more than just what she did, it was who she was. The lessons she learned - working toward being okay, learning to be healthy, learning that sometimes you have to fall apart to find yourself and put yourself back together - were not only beautiful and poignant, but relatable as well.

Second Position is unique in a lot of ways. It deals with different situations than many other books, particularly in NA, plus Locke’s writing style and the way in which the story is told is really unique. I liked the alternating chapters and getting to see both Aly and Zed’s perspectives, and I also really enjoyed Aly’s therapy sessions. The very last chapter was one of the most creative ideas I’ve seen, and while at first I was like ‘wait, what’s happening here?’ it only took a minute to realize that bold move added to this book’s uniqueness. I was smiling and crying happy tears by the end.

If you enjoy books that feature strong, relatable characters who leap off the page, vividly written scenes, and situations that will make your heart ache even as they fill you with hope, Second Position shouldn’t be missed.

Have you read Second Position? What did you think? If you haven't read it, do you plan to? Do you have a favourite book that deals with serious issues like depression, anxiety, eating disorders, etc? How about a favourite book that features a dancer as a main character? Let's talk here or on Twitter!

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Review: Dumplin’ by Julie Murphy

Dumplin’ by Julie Murphy
Series: Standalone
Published: September 15th, 2015
Publisher: Balzer + Bray
384 pages (eARC)
Genre: Contemporary Young Adult
Acquired this book: Via Edelweiss in exchange for honest consideration
Warning: May contain spoilers
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{Read my review of Side Effects May Vary}

 

Self-proclaimed fat girl Willowdean Dickson (dubbed “Dumplin’” by her former beauty queen mom) has always been at home in her own skin. Her thoughts on having the ultimate bikini body? Put a bikini on your body. With her all-American beauty best friend, Ellen, by her side, things have always worked . . . until Will takes a job at Harpy’s, the local fast-food joint. There she meets Private School Bo, a hot former jock. Will isn’t surprised to find herself attracted to Bo. But she is surprised when he seems to like her back.

Instead of finding new heights of self-assurance in her relationship with Bo, Will starts to doubt herself. So she sets out to take back her confidence by doing the most horrifying thing she can imagine: entering the Miss Clover City beauty pageant—along with several other unlikely candidates—to show the world that she deserves to be up there as much as any twiggy girl does. Along the way, she’ll shock the hell out of Clover City—and maybe herself most of all.

Dumplin’ is one of those books that's been so hyped, I was almost afraid to read it. For months before its release, blogger friend after blogger friend read it and loved it. I enjoyed Murphy’s debut, Side Effects May Vary, and I was curious how a story about a ‘self-proclaimed fat girl’ would go. Because I get being the fat girl. I’ve always been the fat girl. I’ve loved and hated the way my body looks, and there aren’t enough books about fat girls, especially positive books. But that’s exactly what Dumplin’ was - a positive book about a fat girl.

I adored Willowdean. I thought she was hilarious, smart, and honest. She was realistically flawed, and she was so much more than ‘just a fat girl’. Even though there was an emphasis on her weight throughout the story, Dumplin' was mostly a story about a teenage girl navigating life and learning some tough lessons. I love, love, love that Dumplin’ wasn’t one of those ‘fat girl loses weight in order to find her self-worth’ stories. Willowdean went back and forth between confidence and insecurity, loving and accepting her body, and then hating it. She didn’t think she needed to change, even when her mother (not to mention society) thought she should. I wish I’d had this book as a teen when I felt invisible and like no boy would ever look twice at me because I was fat, even though I had a lot to offer. I wish I’d known it was okay to be confident, to look in the mirror and like what I saw, to not worry about everything I ate or every pound I gained or lost.

Besides connecting with Willowdean over her weight, I connected with this story because of the friendships. The issues between Will and her best friend Ellen really hit home for me. Will could see Ellen drifting, could feel the distance growing between them, and knew things were changing. I’ve been Willowdean and I’ve been Ellen. I’ve been the friend who wants to grow and feels held back, and I’ve been the friend who felt like I was holding someone else back. I could see it from both perspectives, but my heart broke for Willowdean. Feeling like your best friend is moving in a different direction from you, having experiences you’re not, making new friends - it sucks. It hurts. It’s hard. Especially when you’re a teenager and so many things feel so uncertain. So much of Will’s identity was tied to Ellen, and not having her in her life was devastating. I appreciated that even though it hurt, she did make new friends, she grew as a person, and she learned some important things about herself and about friendship. 

I think (and hope) Dumplin’ will appeal to a lot of people. Anyone who’s ever felt different, weird, fat, ugly, or insecure will likely see themselves in the pages of this book. I loved the overall positive messages, and I laughed, happy-cried, cheered, and swooned my way through this book. Dumplin’ was much more emotional than I expected in a lot of ways, and I know these characters will stick with me for a long time.

I highlighted a total of 13 quotes in my eARC, so rather than posting my favourite quotes at the end of the review like I usually do, I’m going to dedicate an entire post to my favourite quotes tomorrow. Stay tuned!

Have you read Dumplin'? What did you think? If you haven't read it, do you plan to? Do you have a favourite book with a main character who's fat? Let's talk here or on Twitter!

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Review: Sugar by Deirdre Riordan Hall

Sugar by Deirdre Riordan Hall
Series: Standalone
Published: June 1st, 2015
Publisher: Skyscape
291 pages (ARC)
Genre: Contemporary young adult
Acquired this book: From the author as a gift, with no expectation of a review
Warning: May contain spoilers
{GoodReads || Buy this book: Amazon || Chapters/Indigo}
 

I’m the fat Puerto Rican–Polish girl who doesn’t feel like she belongs in her skin, or anywhere else for that matter. I’ve always been too much and yet not enough.
Sugar Legowski-Gracia wasn’t always fat, but fat is what she is now at age seventeen. Not as fat as her mama, who is so big she hasn’t gotten out of bed in months. Not as heavy as her brother, Skunk, who has more meanness in him than fat, which is saying something. But she’s large enough to be the object of ridicule wherever she is: at the grocery store, walking down the street, at school. Sugar’s life is dictated by taking care of Mama in their run-down home—cooking, shopping, and, well, eating. A lot of eating, which Sugar hates as much as she loves.

When Sugar meets Even (not Evan—his nearly illiterate father misspelled his name on the birth certificate), she has the new experience of someone seeing her and not her body. As their unlikely friendship builds, Sugar allows herself to think about the future for the first time, a future not weighed down by her body or her mother.

Soon Sugar will have to decide whether to become the girl that Even helps her see within herself or to sink into the darkness of the skin-deep role her family and her life have created for her.

Sugar isn’t an easy book to read. It’s heartbreaking and bittersweet and painful, but it’s also powerful and ultimately full of hope. Besides breaking my heart, it made me angry, it made me uncomfortable, but it also reminded me that with faith, belief in yourself, and strength, anything is possible.

Sugar eats her feelings. Food, especially sweets, calm her down and help feed an insatiable need in her. Her weight, her mama, her brother, and her schoolmates are all part of the problem, and so she continues to eat to feel better, to fill that hole in her life, the ache that can only be satisfied by the one constant in her life: food. Her mother is so morbidly obese she’s bed-bound, her brother is a nasty piece of work with a hair-trigger temper, and the kids at school make sure she never forgets how fat she is, along with how stupid, ugly, and unwanted. Everyone makes her feel like she’s worthless, in the way, and will never amount to anything...until Even comes along. Sweet, gentle, kind Even, who doesn't seem to care that Sugar is an outcast or that she weighs hundreds of pounds. For the first time in her life, Sugar has someone who sees beyond her exterior and likes what they see.

The things Sugar’s mom and brother, along with the kids at school, say and do to her are absolutely disgusting, rage-inducing, and heartbreaking. There were so many times where I just wanted to take Sugar in my arms, hold her tight, and tell her that everything they said was wrong. She was so sweet and tried so hard to please everyone, but she got nothing but grief in return. She was such a good girl - she went to church every week (and not out of obligation), she took care of her horrible, cruel mother, did all the shopping and cleaning and cooking, and tried to do well in school. It’s rare to see a character who’s as good as Sugar without being a goody goody - she was just genuinely good, kind, and had a huge heart, and I loved that about her. 

One thing I really appreciated about this book is that Sugar didn’t lose weight because of or ‘for’ Even. In so many books, a big girl gets attention for the first time and suddenly she wants to lose weight because there’s no possible way she could be beautiful or what a guy wants or needs or deserves if she’s fat. Or a girl does it for revenge against an ex, a bully, or whoever. But with Sugar, she didn’t even realize she was losing weight at first, it just happened because her life was changing - she was walking to school, she didn’t need to ‘eat her feelings’ as much, and she found the satisfaction she used to find in food from Even instead. It eventually became a conscious decision to become healthy, but it was through things she learned and through personal growth rather than for or because of someone specific.

While I did have a couple small issues with Sugar - namely the believability of some things, and the fact that the painful, awful things that happened to Sugar seemed like overkill at times - I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It deals with a lot of serious issues in a mostly realistic way that has the ability to touch you deeply. Despite being heartbreaking, Sugar is ultimately a story of triumph, strength, and hope. 

~Favourite Quote~

“Sugar, I see a beautiful, creative, and intelligent girl. Yes, I see what you look like on the outside and it isn’t what little girls growing up see in magazines and movies or what girls like Hillary and Allie look like either, but if we all looked just alike or worse, acted alike, this world would be a boring place. You’ve got curves. But all of you makes you who you are, and I like that girl. In fact, you’re my favorite person in the world. You have confidence in there, but sometimes I think you just misplace it” ~ page 177
   

    

Want to win an ARC of Sugar, plus a swag pack? Deirdre stopped by The Authorteers, the blog I co-run with a group of author friends, and generously donated an awesome prize pack. You can enter to win here. 

 

 Have you read Sugar? What did you think? If you haven't read it, do you plan to? Have you read any other books with plus-sized main characters? Let's talk here or on Twitter!

  
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