2019: A Year in Review

2019 has been a memorable one for a lot of reasons, both good and bad. I’ve grown and changed a lot, gained a ton of confidence, and have been through things that have left me with both literal and emotional scars. When I look back at the last twelve months, I have the urge to both laugh and cry, but overall I’d say it was a good year. I wanted it to be a year of big changes and it certainly was that. 

The highs and lows (some of which came simultaneously)

The first real curveball 2019 threw at me came in May. One day I suddenly developed what felt like really bad heartburn; when it didn’t go away after two days, I finally headed to the ER. After hours of waiting and a few tests, I was finally told I likely had gallstones and would need to spend the night to have an ultrasound in the morning. My first thought was 'Spend the night? In the hospital?!' My second thought was 'I don't care, just give me drugs'. By that point, I was crawling out of my skin because I was in so much pain (afterward I had a couple of friends tell me they'd had gallstones and the pain was as bad as or worse than childbirth).

They put me on heavy-duty drugs and by some miracle, I got my own little cubby-like room in Emergency where I spent the night. The ultrasound the next morning confirmed I did indeed have gallstones. I was told I could go home and would be contacted soon by a surgeon who would assess me and likely want to remove my gallbladder. I felt okay as I left (except for being queasy), but by the time I got into a taxi to go home, the pain was returning. It increased throughout the day and I wasn’t able to keep anything down - including the morphine they’d prescribed me. I ended up back in Emerg the next morning, where they did another ultrasound and then admitted me.

Long story short(er): besides the gallstones, I also had jaundice and pancreatitis, so they decided to keep me so they could manage my pain (I was at a level 8 or 9 by the time they admitted me), give me antibiotics, monitor my blood work, and prepare me for surgery. In the week leading up to my surgery, I had an MRI (not gonna lie, I’m still traumatized by that), and a procedure where they put me under and basically shoved the gallstones back into my gallbladder. They removed my gallbladder two days later, and I was sent home the next day after being in the hospital for a total of nine days. I spent the next six-ish weeks recovering.

This whole thing was obviously physically trying, but it was the emotional aspect that’s had a lasting effect. This was the hospital where my dad spent countless days and weeks while he was dying of cancer in the early 90s. This was the hospital where my Grama died eight years ago. There have been good things there too - all four of my brother’s children were born there, and I was present for my youngest nephew’s birth. But that hospital stirs up a lot of stuff for me. Then there was the fact the elderly woman in the bed next to me was dying. Her family was there pretty much 24/7, which made resting difficult. The constant noise (they made no effort whatsoever to be quiet, day or night) added to my stress, but somewhere along the way, this ragtag group of people adopted me and my mum and we became this strange little family in the span of a few days. I listened to them say their goodbyes over and over, pray over her with ministers, tell her they loved her, share stories and memories, all while quietly crying from my side of the privacy curtain. Being attached to an IV and being weak from not eating (I was on a liquid diet my entire stay because they were never sure when I might have surgery) meant I was stuck in my room a lot of the time, so I was an unwilling witness - and at times participant - to this family’s final goodbyes.

It stirred up so many emotions over my own beloved Grama’s death. It set off a chain of events that would lead to me feeling like I was in mourning all over again, even though it’s been eight years since she died. That whole experience changed me in many ways. I don’t want to sound dramatic, but I feel like I dealt with mild PTSD in the following months. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t think of anything other than my hospital stay. I’d replay it all over and over in my mind. I’d have strange, vivid dreams, and wake up thinking I was still in the hospital. Despite all of that, I was honestly amazed by my own strength. I managed to stay calm throughout my whole stay and all the various procedures and tests, plus the emotional trauma. My best friend Krista came to visit me one night and when she took my mum home, she told her how surprised and proud she was at how calm and collected I was. Having known me for thirty years, I think she probably expected me to be a blubbering mess, but I guess all that yoga, meditation and inner work I’d been doing earlier in the year really paid off!

The whole experience was also a really interesting and enlightening reminder of who my true friends are. Krista checked in with me every single day (which you might expect since we're lifelong best friends, but we don't normally talk daily), as did my amazing friend Jaimie who lives in Wales, and another friend who lives on the West Coast. A few other friends checked in regularly during and after the whole ordeal, and the people who didn’t bother to check in, despite knowing what was going on, confirmed things I already knew about how important our friendship was to them. That was further compounded by the other low point in 2019…

Just a few weeks after my surgery, my mum’s only sister lost her long, brave battle with cancer. We knew she was terminal and it was only a matter of time, but she suffered so much. It was agony watching my mum’s anticipatory grief, knowing what was coming, and then the full-on grief of actually losing my aunt. The visitation and funeral - which were an incredible tribute to my aunt, with hundreds and hundreds of people attending - were like a nightmare for my family. My aunt’s death also continued to stir up that shallowly-buried grief over my Grama.

Even the greatest high of my year had an undertone of deep sadness. My amazing best friend decided it was time to buy a house and she did exactly that. She said she’d need to get a roommate in the fall to help with expenses, and we joked about me living with her for part of the summer as a trial run since she’d lived alone for so long. The joking soon turned serious, and I ended up living with Krista in her brand new house for six wonderful weeks this summer. It was an incredible experience; Kingston is my favourite city and, I mean, who doesn’t dream of living with their lifelong best friend at some point? The whole thing was an exercise in me stepping outside my comfort zone over and over in big ways and small. We did so many fun things together, including a Harry Potter photoshoot at Queen’s University, a visit to a brewery, fun days with her family, hikes, plus we ate lots of amazing food (I tried sushi for the first time and loved it).

But...during the six weeks I was there, Krista’s grandmother was diagnosed with cancer, went into the hospital, and died. You hear of it happening quickly for some people, but to actually have it happen within your own family was shocking and heartbreaking. One minute they were talking about a course of treatment, and the next she was in the hospital, not expected to survive. Adding to the difficulty: the fact Krista’s grandma lived four hours away so it wasn't easy to just pop up for visits. Now here’s the funny thing (obviously not funny-haha): I was originally only supposed to stay for a month. One day Krista randomly said I could stay longer if I wanted to, and in that moment, I knew there was a reason for me to stay. I was sure of it. Turns out that reason was that Krista had to leave several times to go visit her grandmother, and then she was gone for a few days for the funeral, so I stayed to look after the house and the cats. Krista provides foster care for the local animal rescue, and during the summer she had her own three cats, plus a mama and four babies. Two of the kittens weren’t well when Krista had to leave for the funeral, so I was there to take care of them. I was also there as emotional support for Krista, who would otherwise have had to deal with all of this largely on her own.

But that took me right back to having my own Grama ‘issues’ stirred up. I tried so hard to be strong for Krista (and for her mother when she came to visit us), but I would break down anytime we talked about her grandma. I’m one of those people whose emotions are always very close to the surface and I cry at the drop of a hat, so it was difficult to keep it together, even though I wanted so badly to be strong for Krista. We’ve been friends for thirty years, and I feel like this year cemented our friendship in so many ways. We spent those six weeks together, I visited her again in November for a few days, and she came to spend Christmas Eve with my family, which was absolutely amazing. I’m so, so incredibly grateful to have such an incredible friend.

Writing career highlights:

In the spring, I finished writing my contemporary romance, Maybe You, and published it in June. I also pulled out an old manuscript that I finished writing two years ago and revised it for publication. Hung Up on You will be hitting e-readers worldwide on January 14th, 2020! I’m so excited to share this story with fellow romance lovers. I’ve also dabbled in a few other projects throughout the year and have a good start on my writing for next year.

Back to the '90s

One of the other highlights of my year was attending a '90s Nostalgia concert in the Toronto area this summer. The line-up included S Club Party (formerly S Club 7, who I was obsessed with for years and still listen to regularly), Aqua, Vengaboys, Right Said Fred, and Prozzak. It was co-hosted by Rick "The Temp" Campanelli, who I grew up watching on Much Music. The whole thing was incredible and was just the balm my '90s-loving heart needed. You can see pictures and videos by visiting my Instagram account (@rambling_daydreamer) and clicking on the highlight called '90s Party.

That's a wrap

Honestly, in a lot of ways this year made me feel like I was being tested. I’ve definitely had worse years and despite everything that happened, I wouldn’t even say this year was bad, just emotional and trying. When I think back to the beginning of the year, I feel like a different person now. I’m stronger, smarter, and more confident. I’m more willing to step outside my comfort zone, and I’m learning to go with the flow more since life has a way of making you veer off the expected course. I was going to share my goals for 2020 in this post, but considering it’s already novel-length (I’m sorry! And thank you, sincerely, if you've made it this far), I guess that’ll have to wait until my next post.

How was 2019 for you? What were some of the highlights? Or the lows, if you're comfortable sharing?

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Previous Yearly Recaps:
☆2018: A Year in Review
☆2017: A Year in Review
☆2016: A Year in Review
☆Looking Back on 2015
☆Reflecting on 2014 and Looking at the Year Ahead 
☆2012: A Year in Review
☆2010: A Year in Review

Stacking the Shelves + What's Happening ~ August 10th

Stacking the Shelves is hosted by Tynga's Reviews

WON:
From Kristilyn at Reading in Winter (via Random House Canada)

 Wedding Night by Sophie Kinsella {GoodReads}

FOR REVIEW:

 

These Broken Stars by Amie Kaufman and Meagan Spooner {GoodReads}

The Promise of Amazing by Robin Constantine {GoodReads}

Keeping Her by Cora Carmack {GoodReads}

 BOUGHT:

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott {GoodReads}
Last Sunday was the 2-year anniversary of my Grama's death, so I went with my family back to her grave, which is about an hour away. The drive is mostly farmland and countryside, and on our way home, we passed this old house selling antiques and odds and ends of stuff, so we stopped and I found this copy of Little Women (published in England in 1974; it smells just like the cottage I used to visit in the summers on the island where my Grama was born and raised), and this little metal phone and gramophone. I love old phones and gramophones, so I was really excited with my finds! Also? The book was only $1! The little mark from where I'm assuming there was once a price sticker kinda bothers me, but it's gorgeous anyway and that smell...god, I was transported right back to my childhood. 

The Distance Between Us by Kasie West {GoodReads}

 Hourglass by Myra McEntire {GoodReads}

Timepiece by Myra McEntire {GoodReads}

My Own Mr. Darcy by Karey White {GoodReads}

The Secret of Ella and Micha by Jessica Sorensen {GoodReads}

Keep Me Still by Caisey Quinn {GoodReads} 

*A huge thank you to Kristilyn and Random House Canada, Disney Hyperion, Balzer + Bray, and William Morrow*

The Uprising by Lisa M Stasse {GoodReads}

At Grave's End by Jeaniene Frost {GoodReads}

 

Take Me Now by Faith Sullivan {GoodReads}

• I participated in the cover reveal for Jessica Sankiewicz's debut novel, If Only We. This was exciting for me for three reasons: Jessica is one of my closest friends; 2) the book sounds amazing; and 3) I designed the cover! Be sure to check it out and let us know what you think.

• I reviewed The Forsaken and The Uprising by Lisa M Stasse and gave them both 3.5 stars. Even though I had some issues with these books, I think this is overall a really good dystopian trilogy, and I'm looking forward to reading the final installment.

How was your week? Did you get any new books? Have you read any good ones that you'd recommend? Tell me in the comments below or post a link to your Stacking the Shelves/Book Haul/In My Mailbox/Showcase Sunday, etc. Happy reading! <3

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Reading Inspiration

Today is the one-year anniversary of my Grama's death. I won't go into it too much, because I wrote this post on my other blog, but I wanted to acknowledge it here on my book blog as well because she's a big part of the reason I do what I do.

I come from a family of readers. My mum loves to read, and my dad and grandparents loved to read. I had tons of books as a kid, and often got books as presents. I loved it when my parents or Grama read to me. Before my dad died, we had this weekly routine where we went to the post office, which was in the back of a drug store that had a kids' book display. Every week I was allowed to choose a new Berenstein Bear book. I collected all the ones written up to 1994 and a few afterward, and I still have them. They're well-worn and well-loved, and they're my go-to book when I have kids around.

My love of reading fuelled my love of writing. I don't think I would have become a writer if I hadn't been such an avid reader, so I have my parents and grandparents - my mum and Grama in particular - to thank for that. Reading has always been a natural part of life. When my Grama was in the nursing home, the library had a program where they sent large print books to seniors every three weeks. She could read eight library books in those three weeks, and often had to have us bring her more, or the nurses would bring books in for her, or she'd go down the library in the nursing home and pick something (this was as well as knitting, painting, and participating in all the activities in the nursing home). 

She read right up until the time she died. In fact, two nights before she died, while she was in the hospital confined to bed and couldn't see well enough to read or hold up a book, she said to my mum and me 'I'm so annoyed, wasting all this time lying here when I could be reading or painting or knitting.' We cracked up, and still talk about that to this day. She loved to be busy, and she loved to lose herself in a good book. Oh, did I mention that she was almost 100 when she died?

I feel really blessed to have grown up in a home that encouraged reading. It makes me sad to see kids today that are hooked on video games, computers, TVs, and other gadgets. My ten-year-old nephew is one of those kids and whenever he's away from his electronics, he complains constantly about being bored. My response: "READ A BOOK!" He just shrugs; he's not growing up in a house that encourages reading, so it's foreign to him and that breaks my heart. I've always said that when I have kids, I'll be reading to them while they're in the womb! I want them to experience the pleasure reading has brought me - it's been an escape, it's kept me sane, and it's helped me travel the world when I'm stuck in my little city.

Who or what inspired you to read? A family member? A teacher? A friend? Something/someone else? I'd love hear from you!

 

2011: A Year in Review

2011 was full of ups and downs. For the most part it was a pretty good year…in fact, I think it was the best year I’ve had in a really long time.

Some highlights of 2011:

In no particular order...

 

Becoming a book blogger in April. Becoming a book blogger was one of the best, smartest things I’ve ever done. I love it so much, I don’t think words could do it justice. I have met so many incredible people, and have read a ton of books I might not otherwise have read. Being a book blogger has helped me set and reach reading goals. I’ve always been a slow reader, but by reading so much, I think I’m actually becoming a bit faster. I love all my blogging friends, love peoples’ comments, love visiting new blogs and making new friends and also discovering new books. I don’t have many friends who like to read, so it’s amazing to me to have this whole world of fellow book lovers from all over the world. Blogging has also been a huge help with spreading the word about my upcoming debut novel, Blue Sky Days.

U2 concert in July. U2 is my all-time favorite band. I bought my tickets for the show in the pre-release membership sale, and ended up having them for almost 2 years before I actually got to use them because of the tour being postponed due to an injury Bono sustained. It was my first time with general admission tickets, and although waiting in line for 12 hours in the scorching heat wasn’t a walk in the park, we made an incredible new friend in line who took us under her wing, took care of us all day, and got us into the third row in the pit, almost right in front of Bono. It was a dream come true. Best moment of the show (and possibly my whole life): when Bono came swinging out on his mic during Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me, stopped almost right in front of me and posed. My camera was being touchy and wouldn’t work, but he literally stood there until I got my shot. I almost died. 

Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me...I started the video right after I got my picture of Bono since my camera was being so touchy and was delaying every time I went to click. I have more videos from the concert on my YouTube Channel if you're interested!

The royal wedding of Prince William and Catherine Middleton in April. Don’t laugh! I was really excited for the wedding, and my mum and I got up at 4:45am, had a fancy breakfast and sparkling wine, and watched the entire thing on TV. It was so beautiful.

Niagara Falls trip in November. Last year, my sister-in-law and I took my brother to Niagara Falls for his birthday as a surprise and we had a blast. We decided to go again this year, and we took my friend Suleena as well. We had a great time. It was so nice to get away after working 7 days a week for months on end. 

The whirlwind that has been deciding to independently publish my book. After seven years of sitting in a folder on my computer, I pulled out my book Blue Sky Days, and finished it. I spent weeks researching independent publishing and decided it was the right path for me - I liked the idea of taking my future into my own hands and running with it. The feedback, encouragement, and support I’ve received has been humbling, surprising, exciting, and has brought me to tears on a regular basis. I have an epic blog tour planned for the book, starting the date of the launch (January 17th) and running a full four weeks. Almost all my pre-release reviews have been 5 stars, which is mind-boggling and exciting beyond belief. I am so grateful, I can’t even express it properly.

Those are just a few of the amazing highlights of this year. My worst moments of 2011: the moment I realized my Grama wasn’t going to recover from her sudden illness, and then her death, funeral, burial, and many days since when the grief has been so overwhelming, I can hardly breathe. My Grama was one of my best friends - my inspiration, my confidante, my biggest fan - and her death just about killed me. She was just a little over three months shy of her 100th birthday. She was one of those people that everyone loved instantly. She was so full of light and love, and she was a real lady. I miss her so much that sometimes it’s like a physical pain. She was such a huge part of my life, and the world has been a little less bright since she left it. It absolutely kills me that she never got to read Blue Sky Days, because as I said, she was my biggest fan, and she was so excited for me that my dreams were finally coming true. I know she’s looking down, shining her light on me, and cheering me on. 

This year, I learned a lot about people. I expected my friends would support me with my writing, but most of them couldn’t seem to care less. I have a few friends who know that being a published author has been my lifelong dream, but I haven’t heard a word from them about my book. And I know they know about it because they’re on Facebook all the time, and I talk about the book quite a bit. That hurts me so much. However, I’ve had an immense amount of support from some surprising places, and from my online friends - bloggers, fellow writers, etc. And that means the world to me. I’ve learned that some people who say they’ll always be there for you actually aren’t there when you need them most, and others you expect not be there sometimes are. That particular lesson has been one I’ve seen a lot of in the last few weeks. I’ve also learned that friendships that have stood the test of time have done so for a reason, and they’re to be cherished.

2012 promises to be an amazing year. My book will officially launch on January 17th, and in the next week or so I’m hoping to get back to writing and get to work on my next novel. My big goal for 2012 is to publish three novels. I’m going to continue reading and blogging (I’ve signed up for something like 15 reading challenges in 2012…I seriously need my head checked lol), and hopefully I’ll make a lot more new friends in the blogging community because you guys are AWESOME. 

What were some of the highlights of 2011 for you? What are your goals for 2012?

Ian Somerhalder's Birthday Wish

I’m veering off-course a bit today and talking about something non-book-related...a heartfelt birthday wish from Ian Somerhalder. 

 

Most of you will probably know Ian Somerhalder as Damon, the oh-so-hot badass Salvatore brother from Vampire Dairies, or Boone from LOST. But did you also know that he’s a superhero in disguise? Well, kinda. ;-)

Ian created the Ian Somerhalder Foundation last year, which “aims to empower, educate and collaborate with people and projects to positively impact the planet and its creatures.” Be sure to check out the website for more information on what they do, and how you can get involved.

Ian turns 33 tomorrow (December 8th), and for his birthday this year, instead of gifts, he’s imploring people to support the ISF by donating money. Between the over-abundance of ‘stuff’ we all have, plus the resources that would be used to buy and send a gift (materials to create something, the cost, packaging, shipping, etc), I think the idea of donating money is a brilliant one.

I know that money is tight for a lot of people, especially this time of year, but every little bit helps. I struggle from paycheque to paycheque, and know what it’s like to go without things I need, but I’m also extremely blessed to have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food on my table, and most importantly a family who loves me and supports me no matter what. I haven’t been able to donate to any other charities or organizations this holiday season (except for my knitting, which I’ll talk about in a second), but I have $10 in my PayPal account, so I’m going to donate that to the ISF. It’s not much, but it’s something. Seriously, if you can afford it, please, please consider donating. If you can’t afford it, please consider spreading the word via Twitter, Facebook, Google+, your blogs, other social media networks, word of mouth, whatever. Most of the people who read this blog are fellow book-lovers, and I know some of you buy books like there’s no tomorrow lol…so maybe consider buying one less book and donating that money to the ISF?

So, the knitting I mentioned…for years, my Grama knit for charity. She used to make little hats for premature babies and donate them to the local hospital. Several years ago, she started donating mittens to the Fireman’s Mitten Tree, which donates mittens, hats, scarves, and other warm clothes to families in the area who need help. Each year, she would try to out-do herself, and last year she had over 70 pair of mittens. I was so inspired, impressed and awed; she was 99, and such a bright, shining light. She loved children and would talk about the little hands that her mittens would keep warm. I wanted to help, so I set a goal of knitting 12 scarves in 2011 to donate this Christmas, and challenged my mum to do the same. I’ve been working away at it all year, and my Grama got a good start on her goal, but she passed away at the beginning of August. When she was lying sick in the hospital, she said to my mum and me, "I'm so annoyed. I could be knitting or reading or painting instead of lying here." Classic Grama lol. We have about 30 pair of her mittens to donate to the Mitten Tree this year, plus all the scarves my mum and I made. I also came up with a challenge last year and recruited people who were interested. You can read all about it here - Helping Those Less Fortunate - Knitting and Crocheting for a Good Cause. I haven’t updated it in awhile because it’s been too hard for me…even writing this, I’m close to losing it because I miss my Grama so much. But, I picked up my knitting needles for the first time since August, and I’ve got another scarf almost done. We’ll be going to her old nursing home and putting the mitts and scarves on the tree next week. She would have been happy.

Anyway…there’s always something you can do to help people, animals, and the environment. Since I don’t have a lot of money, I try to do my best to do small things that I know make a difference. I’m fanatical about turning off lights and appliances, conserving water, keeping the heat or air conditioner turned low, and I’m a total recycling fiend. Some people bug me about not having a driver’s license, but when I can take the bus or walk almost everywhere I need to go, why would I add extra strain to the planet by buying, maintaining, and driving a car when I don’t need to? I realize a lot of people need cars, but I'm not one of them. By not having a car, that's one big way I can reduce my carbon footprint.

Everything we do has an impact. I always think of my two precious nephews, who are the lights of my life, and the shape the world is in scares me. I want them to grow up in a world with clean water, clean air, and where people will do everything they can to help each other. We have to think beyond ourselves and think about our children and our children’s children, and what the world will be like for them. You might think that as one person you can’t possibly make a difference, but that’s not true. There are so many things you can do to make this world a better, safer, happier, healthier place. Maybe that should be a collective new year’s resolution/goal for 2012?

I hope you'll consider donating to the ISF and/or spreading the word. Happy birthday Ian…fellow December baby and Sagittarius...thank you for being such an inspiration.

Ian's birthday message on ISF

I seriously cried when I read his message, and then I cried again while watching the video...yes, I'm a geek. But who does that? Seriously? I can't think of a single person - celebrity or otherwise - who would take the time to contact each person to personally thank them. Incredible.

"...the best birthday present I could possibly imagine receiving is a donation to ISF. Everyone who has it within their hearts to support ISF deserves some respect and love, and the only way I know how to give a little of this to so very many is to try my very best to try to send each and everyone of you a personal email. I want to reach out so I can thank you for your support and learn a little about you to discover how you fit into this remarkable family. I know that seems crazy! But it's important to me to be able to connect and bond with all of ISF. So while it may take me some time to respond to everyone, I will do my best to try to thank each and everyone of you for sharing whatever you can with ISF. Gratitude typing fingers ready to fire! Thanks for even taking the time to read the above. You guys are freakin awesome. xo"

{ISF Website  ||  Ian’s Twitter  ||  ISF on Twitter  ||  ISF on Facebook  ||  Huffington Post}

You can find ISF members on Twitter by searching the hashtag #ISF

I'd like to end this post on a light note. My mum, who is 71, thinks Ian is "gorgeous". God, I love her lol. If you've stuck with me through this whole long post, thank you! ♥

  

BBAW - I'm so glad to be part of the book blogging community!

I’ll honest: because this is my first year book blogging, I didn’t really understand what BBAW (Book Blogger Appreciation Week) was all about, so I’m joining the party a little late. This has been another crazy week, and I just discovered the daily topics last night, so I want to participate today, but first, I want to talk a bit about what book blogging means to me.

I started my blog last year as a place to share information about my writing and a little bit about my life. It wasn't until May of this year that I started blogging about books. It's hard to believe that it's only been four months, because it feels much longer! In the last four months, I have met countless amazing people. I don't have many friends who like to read, which has always been hard for me because I love to talk books, and have never had many people to do that with. I got my love of reading from my parents and my Grama. My Grama was an avid reader right up until she died 6 weeks ago, at the age of 99. She was sent 8 large print books a month from the library, and would often go through those and then get books from the library in her nursing home, or read books that friends and staff brought her. That was on top of reading magazines, re-reading the journals she had kept most of her life, knitting, painting, and taking part in the activities in her nursing home. I loved talking books with her, and even though she couldn't quite wrap her head around this whole blogging thing, she was pleased that I was enjoying it. She was my biggest fan. The last 6 weeks have been very difficult - her death left a huge hole in our lives and our hearts, but reading and blogging has been a saving grace for me. The support and encouragement I've received, the friends I've made - that, to me, is priceless, and I'm so grateful.

Daily topics for BBAW can be found here. Today's topic:
 

Readers: Book bloggers blog because we love reading. Has book blogging changed the way you read? Have you discovered books you never would have apart from book blogging? How has book blogging affected your book acquisition habits? Have you made new connections with other readers because of book blogging? Choose any one of these topics and share your thoughts today!

Book blogging has changed the way I read. Before I started blogging, I had gotten away from YA books because I thought I was too old for them. Then I started blogging, and realized that people of all ages were reading and loving them, and a whole new world was opened up to me. How is it possible that I was missing out all this time? I have so much catching up to do! There are so many incredible books 'for teens' that I relate to better than a lot of 'adult' books out there. Don't get me wrong, I still love adult fiction, but I'm absolutely addicted to YA now. And I'm certainly not alone; it seems that at least 3/4 of the blogs I come across these days are dedicated to YA books. That was actually part of what convinced me to change my novel into a YA story - I figured with both teens and adults reading young adult books, I'd have twice the potential audience. I think this is a really exciting time to be both a YA reader and writer.
Since it is BBAW, I'd like to show my appreciation to a few specific bloggers who have come to mean a lot to me. I could write a little individual blurb for each of these lovely ladies, but it basically comes down to this: they are wonderful, kind, supportive, have great taste in books, and lots of fun stuff on their blogs. People like this are the reason I love being a book blogger. I look forward to visiting their blogs and seeing what they’re up to, and I always have a big smile on my face when they come to visit me and I read their comments. Thank you Melissa from Just One Opinon, Molli from Once Upon a Prologue, Patricia from My Journey Through the Pages, Jessica from Thoughts at One in the Morning, and Lea from LC's Adventures in Libaryland. You guys ROCK!

Thank you to all the book bloggers out there, both new and old. Thank you for being so welcoming, and so ready to share your love of the written word. I'm so lucky that I get to chat every day with people who love to read as much as I do and who get that books can sometimes be the best friends we have. When people tell me that they're going to read a book based on a review I wrote, or tell me that they felt the same way about a book that's near and dear to me, I realize I'm not so alone anymore. When people leave genuine, thoughtful, heartfelt comments on my posts, I feel special, which is a rarity in my life. So thank you. I am truly blessed, and also truly grateful.

A tribute to my Grama ~ 1911 - 2011

I won't be participating in TGIF at GReads, Follow Friday Fun or Book Blogger Hop this week.  Instead, I'm going to write about my Grama, who died yesterday morning.  I will do a quick recap of what's been going on this week on my blog though:

Memes:

In My Mailbox Week 2

Top 10 Tuesday: Book trends you'd like to see more of/less of 

WWW Wednesdays Week 11

Reviews:

The Irish Princess by Karen Harper

Other:

The Ultimate Reviewer's Challenge

Looking for input on book covers for my novel (please check this one out and let me know what you think, I really value the opinion of other readers and writers!)

******

My beloved Grama passed away Thursday morning, 4 months shy of her 100th birthday.  She was one of the two most amazing women I've ever had the good fortune of knowing (the other being my mum).  She was kind, loving, thoughtful, funny, and one of those people who you loved the instant you met her, and never forgot.  She touched so many people's lives and made so many people better.  She was so much more than just a grandmother to me, she was one of my best friends - one of the only people in life that I could always count on, always turn to, who supported and encouraged me no matter what.  She was a beautiful, shining soul and the world feels a little darker without her in it.

Grama and me last August

Yesterday after she died, we had to go clear out her room because of some dumbass rule that gives the family 24 hours to pack up a resident's room.  My cousin Lori picked me up (it's been years since I've seen her - we don't live all that far apart, it's just sort of one of those things) and we headed over to Grama's and were soon joined by my mum, Stephanie (Lori's daughter, my second cousin), and my Aunt Janet.  Grama was a packrat and hoarder (not of TV proportions, but almost 100 years worth of stuff, minus the stuff that we've collected and stored for her during various moves), and had an unbelievable amount of stuff crammed into every nook and corner of her small room.  I was dreading it, and even though it was hard and more than a few tears were shed, having my cousins around made things so much better.  Like I said, I almost never get to see them, so it was a chance for us to catch up and bond over our love of our amazing grandmother.  We talked, shared stories, laughed, and one of the worst days of my life was made a bit less awful.

Here's the thing though...I know that I'm truly blessed to have had her in my life for so long, and it's amazing and wonderful that she lived so long.  But there's this little part of me that's angry - so angry I could scream - because there's so much more I wanted to tell her and ask her, and I so badly wanted her to read my book.  Part of my reason for deciding to self-publish was because she was so old and I desperately wanted her to see me as a published author (which she knew was my lifelong dream) and hold my book in her hands.  She was my biggest fan, my biggest supporter, and always took such a keen interest in my writing.  She always wanted to know what I was working on, read my articles and stories, and she loved every little tidbit I'd give her about my novel, even when I was in the stage of being secretive about it.  So I'm angry and sad and bitter and a million other emotions because now it's too late.  She'll never get to read my dedication to her and my mum, or the acknowledgements, where I thank her profusely for everything she's done for me.  It's funny, the other night in the hospital, I told her I was almost done my cover art and her eyes lit up and she moved closer to me and asked me to describe it in detail.  Something about the way she asked me, and the eager, hungry look in her eyes made me think that she knew she'd never get to see it.

I don't really know where to go from here.  My life will never be the same.  I know she'd want me to be strong and move on, so I'm going to do it for her, but god, it's going to be hard.  I'm going to keep her in mind as I finish the final revisions of my novel and I'm going to follow my dreams and not let anything stop me, because she was so proud of me, and I can't let her down now.

***

One of my Grama's many hobbies was knitting.  Every year, she knit mittens for the firefighter's mitten tree, to be given to children in the community whose families couldn't afford warm winter clothes.  She made the most beautiful mittens and took great care, pouring love into every single pair.  I wrote about it here: Helping Those Less Fortunate - Knitting and Crocheting For a Good Cause.  I need to update it with news of her death and the fact that she managed to get 38 pairs done this year before she died.  Amazing.

***

For those of you who know me or have visited my blog before, you'll know I'm a U2 fanatic.  At one point this morning, the song 'Kite' popped into my head and I felt compelled to come to the computer and listen to it.  The lyrics were so fitting; I could almost hear Grama's voice in my head saying the words to me.  I started to cry and the phone rang and it was my mum telling me Grama was gone.  U2 has been the soundtrack of my life for a long time now, and I know they'll help me get through this, too.

Dedicated to Hazel G. Reynolds 1911-2011

Kite ~ U2

Something is about to give
I can feel it coming
I think I know what it is
I'm not afraid to die
I'm not afraid to live
And when I'm flat on my back
I hope to feel like I did

And hardness, it sets in
You need some protection
The thinner the skin

I want you to know
That you don't need me anymore
I want you to know
You don't need anyone or anything at all

Who's to say where the wind will take you
Who's to say what it is will break you
I don't know which way the wind will blow
Who's to know when the time has come around
Don't wanna see you cry
I know that this is not goodbye

In summer I can taste the salt in the sea
There's a kite blowing out of control on a breeze
I wonder what's gonna happen to you
You wonder what has happened to me

I'm a man, I'm not a child
A man who sees
The shadow behind your eyes

Who's to say where the wind will take you
Who's to say what it is will break you
I don't know where the wind will blow
Who's to know when the time has come around
I don't wanna see you cry
I know that this is not goodbye

Did I waste it?
Not so much I couldn't taste it
Life should be fragrant
Rooftop to the basement
The last of the rock stars
When hip hop drove the big cars
In the time when new media
Was the big idea
That was the big idea

Library Loot June 18th - 25th

Library Loot is a weekly theme hosted by  Claire from The Captive Reader and Marg from The Adventures of an Intrepid Reader. 

Since I'm currently scraping by as a freelance writer, I unfortunately can't afford to buy books right now *insert sad face here* which I hate, but luckily I have an awesome library in my city, so until I can have my own personal library filled with wall-to-wall books, the public library's the next best thing.

  

This week, I went to the library twice - Tuesday and Saturday.  Tuesday's trip was to accompany my 99-year-old Grama, who hasn't been able to get out of her nursing home for a year or two because of certain health issues, but who was encouraged to go on this trip since she loves to read.  Each month, the library sends bags of large print books to people who want them in the nursing home, and my Grama gets 5-8 books.  She was so excited to be out, to browse the stacks, and to meet the librarians, especially the one who chooses her books every month.  She was able to choose 5 books she wanted and the librarian chose another 3 for her.

The books I got this week were ones that had come in on reserve, otherwise, like last week, I wouldn't have picked any because I'm so far behind with my library books.  I currently have 11 books, and will probably only get through half because I'm so slow and it's going to be a busy week.

My old library picks that I've mentioned in other posts are:

Skipping a Beat by Sarah Pekkanen, From Notting Hill With Love - Actually by Ali McNamara, Phantom Evil by Heather Graham, The Rehearsal by Eleanor Catton, The Violets of March by Sarah Jio (which I'm currently reading), The Best Laid Plans by Lynn Schnurnberger, Delicious and Suspicious by Riley Adams and When It Happens by Susane Colasanti.

 

My new books this week are:

Immortal by Gillian Shields

I can't remember where or when I first heard about this book, but it sounds terrific, so I'm anxious to read it.

 

 

This Lullaby by Sarah Dessen

After re-discovering Sarah Dessen's books last month, I decided I'd slowly go back and read all the books I've missed over the last few years.  This just happened to be my first pick, no special reason, just chose it at random.

 

 

Across the Universe by Beth Revis

I saw this one reviewed on a on of blogs and was curious so put my name down for it.  The library just finally got it in, and I was first on the list, so I picked it up yesterday.

 

 

What are you reading this week?  What have you read lately that you really enjoyed?  Do you have any suggestions for my library loot picks next week?  I read just about any genre, and I'm always looking for suggestions!